The Opposite of Apt

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”

Proverbs 25:11

While out and about amidst the public, my torpedo pregnant belly and two boys (18 months apart) have elicited some interesting comments of late.  Here’s a recap of our most recent outings:

Last month, we needed to pick up a couple children’s birthday gifts from the Galleria.  So, after a quick mall behavior etiquette Q & A, a bag packed with sippy’s, snacks and lollipops for good measure, we were off to the mall.  As my little guys were having tons of fun playing on the quarter rides, a well-dressed man in his 40’s approached me and out of nowhere said, “You have two boys and a baby on the way?”  To which I replied, “Yes, we’re so excited!  We can’t wait to meet our baby girl!”  The man stood uncomfortably close and with a coy smile, sneered “Kinda scary.” Then, he just walked away.  I stood there a tad dumbfounded trying to process the intention behind such a comment! 

Then at the Fountains I purposed to buy a pair of comfortable sandals with a gift card I had been saving.  After explaining the expectations of our trip, distributing two long awaited chocolate milks and saying a prayer, my boys and I were off in our double stroller to the play area.  Once all the wiggles appeared to be sufficiently wiggled out, we headed over to the shoe store to take care of business.  I struggled to exit the door with my double-wide (you could interpret that as stroller or pregnant rear-end by the way).  A couple ladies were entering the store.  One woman said, “Two little guys and one on the way?  You are a brave soul.”  Translation: “You’re one crazy chick!  Haven’t you heard this is the year 2011?  We have ‘choices’ now ya know!”

And if I had a dollar for every time someone made helpful comments such as, “Wow, look at those kids so close together in age.  You do know how that happens don’t ya?” I’m sure I’d have enough to buy another pair of shoes!

Why do strangers express these thoughts to young moms just trying to make it through their errand list without a meltdown?  I don’t really know.  But, the purpose of this writing is not to presume I do.  They may be totally well-intentioned people thinking a mother would feel better knowing the world empathizes with the hard work she does every day.  The real purpose of this is to share with you what comments like these remind me of: comments I make every day!  How often have I made remarks that were the opposite of apt…unseeming, unfitting, unsuitable, unhelpful.  Have there been times when one of my boys needed a soft response and I gave a harsh one?  No doubt.  Have there been times when my husband needed a listening ear and got a gabby mouth instead.  Definitely. 

If offhanded comments made by people who don’t even know me can portray a clear message: “We don’t value children and we don’t value your decision to have them,” what can comments made by people who are close to me do?  What about people who claim to love Jesus?  Yikes.  Our tongues carry more weight than we’d like to believe.

Sadly, we are well more acquainted with the opposite of apt than we are with the God-given command to be “apt” in our speech.  Many of us have experienced the devastating affects misplaced words can have on our hearts and surely all of us have hurt others by doing the very same thing. 

I wonder what would happen if we truly realized the power in an apt response?  Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits.”  Wow.  Our tongues have the power to give life.  They can either be used as a motivating, encouraging, creative force in the lives of others or a deadly, discouraging, confusion-breeding force.  Knowing that should do two things: 1. Make us tremble before a holy God and repent quickly when we have used our speech in a way that defames His name and 2. Make us excited!!  It is so humbling and incredibly motivating to know God has given us such a power.  He can use our words and the way we speak our words to enrapture people with Himself.  He can use us to get another’s attention, to build, to teach kindness, to show love, to voice truth.  And if you are a mom, oh boy do you have a power hidden in your tongue.  Proverbs 16:15 says, “In the light of a king’s face there is life, and his favor is like the clouds that bring the spring rain.”  If someone under authority (like a child) gets all that just from the sweet smile of someone in authority (like his mama) we possess quite a power.  What can our words do if merely our demeanor has such an affect?     

I wonder what it would feel like to have a stranger approach me and say, “What a lovely family you have.  You are exceedingly blessed!  Thank you for raising the next generation.”  What an unexpected encouragement it would be!  How uplifting and motivating!  From a close friend or family member?  Wow.  Words like that can redirect, shape, convict of sin and encourage in righteousness for a lifetime to come.  No matter who you are or what your season of life, know this: You’ve got the power! 

So, no excuses…let’s strive to be something better than “nice”, superficial gals who use our words to fill space.  And let’s repent if we’ve used our words to wound.  May we resolve never to personify the opposite of apt but to go about our day using our words to beautify the world around us.  Encourage, rebuke, exhort, shut up!  Pray for wisdom and think carefully before responding.  If someone like the well-meaning people I ran into during my recent travels happens to say, “Wow, looks like you’ve got your hands full”, redeem it like Rachel Jankovic.  Say, “Why yes I do…full of good things!”  Now that is apt through and through.  Thank you Jesus for aptly spoken words and for the power You give to speak them!

Posted by Erika