Invitation Complications

Well, here we are again!  Life has been a whirlwind and, once again, it has taken me much longer to get a blog post written than I anticipated.  Some Veritas gals asked for this post a long time ago and I am just finally getting it done.  For the gals who asked, I do apologize, and I hope its usefulness hasn't expired entirely.

The question was posed:
As Christian women, how do we handle the whole issue of inviting people to social gatherings?  Do we always invite absolutely every woman we know, so as to avoid hurting anyone's feelings, or is that mere people-pleasing?  What if we can't host a huge crowd?  How can we still be kind but only invite a limited number of friends? What do we do if someone isn't invited, they find out and are hurt?

So, here is my semi-long answer to a pretty short question.

I have to say that being a Christian would be much simpler if we all lived alone in caves in the mountains.  Kind of like the Grinch.  However, 'loving our neighbor as ourselves' can be difficult at times, particularly when we actually have neighbors.  In theory it all sounds good.  In practice: not always so easy.

Here are some principles for both the inviters and the invitees.

For those extending the invitation:

1. Don't run the mental rabbit trails of "if I invite them, then I must invite this person over here, and their second cousin...and their aunt....and their second cousin's aunt's son in law, otherwise, they might find out and unfriend me on Facebook, or worse yet, write something nasty on my wall.  Then all 600 of my friends would also know I had a dinner party...and the 585 that weren't invited will all be mad at me!  Then, what would I do?! Oh the horror! "   Just invite the crowd that seems most appropriate to your event, if your conscience is clear, move forward and don't play the "What if?" game.

2.  Honor others in love with your invitations.  Romans 12:10, "Love one another with brotherly affection.  Outdo one another in showing honor."  Pray over your event, pray over who the Lord would have you invite.  Be as inclusive as you possibly can.  Make a point to invite people who are new to town or church, who are hurting, who are lonely, who need ministry of some kind.  Don't always be overly focused on inviting "fun people."  Think about the ministry impact of an invitation.  Make your invitations count.

3. Invite with a clear conscience.  If you know that so and so would be hurt if they weren't invited, put them on the invite list first.  It isn't your job to decide that this person should be less sensitive or less needy, etc...  It is your job to be kind and loving.   Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another.  Just as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you."

4.  If it comes to your attention that you have hurt the feelings of someone who wasn't invited to a gathering you hosted, go out of your way to love that person.  You needn't necesarily give a long explanation (this is where love can cross over into people-pleasing), but show them that you care.  If you overlooked them and regret not inviting them, by all means, tell them so!

Principles for those on the receiving end of an invitation:

1. Be gracious, say yes or no, and then do everything in your power to keep your word.

2. Don't go blab to others about who invited you where.  Be gracious, courteous, and put others before yourself.  You never know how your loose lips may end up causing division or hurt feelings, so hush up.

3.  If you hear of an event that you were not invited to, assume the best, and resolve not to take up an offense.  Don't assume that you were not invited because someone was trying to exclude you, or doesn't like you.  Don't allow yourself to indulge in self pity.  Assume the best possible thing about the person who did not invite you, let it go, and move on.  Be gracious, humble, and kind.

Blessings in your gatherings!

Posted by Kristen