Redeemed LiViNG

Lessons from the Philippines...

2011-11-29T14:56:00.000-08:00

Our dear friend and Veritas-er, Renee, recently visited the Philippines. We asked her to blog about her time there and the conviction she experienced following. Thank you Renee!

In America, there are buildings constructed of substantial material with finite detail to ensure safety and longevity. There are roadways, freeways, and bypasses that promote convenient and easy travel. There are complex drainage systems that prevent flooding. There are endless options in grocery stores. There are homes with living rooms, family rooms, bedrooms, kitchens, and a separate room just for eating. There are options for padded carpet, solid wood flooring, pergo flooring, and linoleum. There are parks, golf courses, playgrounds, libraries, spas for humans and for dogs. There are computers, televisions, Wii, iPods, iPads, and cell phones. There is the luxury to buy four cubes of butter and a full bottle of shampoo in the same visit to the grocery store without worry of draining the bank account.

In the Philippines, these luxuries are foreign and unknown. Some streets are paved, but the lane lines are scattered and really only a recommendation. Those who are fortunate enough to have a dwelling are blessed if there is a concrete slab flooring. Toilets are mostly unheard of except for in the public arena and toilet paper must be disposed of in a trash can because the plumbing and disposal system can’t handle it. Bathing and showering is done in the community wash area - sharing the same bucket of water with the neighbors. Living, eating, and sleeping by all members of the family take place in a single room that constitutes a ‘house.' When the rains come down, it takes weeks for the pooled water to dissipate both outside and in. Those who reside at the dumpsite spend their days hunting for treasures (food and/or material items) in someone else’s trash in hopes of providing for their family that day. A piece of cardboard, car scraps, or whatever else is suitable provides shelter.

The Filipinos live a life of simplicity and survival. They buy only what they need for the present day because they cannot spare anything more. An electrician makes 600 pesos/day (translation: $13.81/day) and a carpenter and plumber make 13.25 pesos/hr (75 cents/hr).

It is incredibly difficult to reconcile such extremes of luxurious wealth here in our country and devastating poverty in others. Sobering to realize how much we have and how much of it is taken for granted. As we come to understand that anything and everything we have is directly a result of God’s undeserving grace and kindness to us, we can better recognize our duty and responsibility.

First, we ought to humbly receive each gift from Him in light of James 1:16-17: “Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."

Second, we ought to be exceedingly grateful for EVERYTHING we undeservingly have and recognize it as a blessing from God. And yes, that includes copayments for medical insurance, extra loads of laundry to fold, soiled carpets that can be cleaned with a vacuum, dirty public restrooms that have the luxury of seat covers and flushable paper, cars that have repeat repairs, monotonous or stressful or [insert here] jobs that provide decent paychecks and/or benefits… you get the idea!

And third, we ought to take seriously the responsibility God has entrusted us with to be good stewards of our wealth. We need to consistently and prayerfully seek opportunities to use our gifts, talents, and money to serve those in material need, but most importantly those in spiritual need of Jesus Christ’s saving grace. 1 Peter 4:10 reminds us, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace."

We don’t have to travel to the Philippines; there is abundant need right here where God has us this very day.

“Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered” (Prov 21:13)

“But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?” (1 John 3:17-18)

Posted by Renee

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

2011-11-15T15:07:00.000-08:00

Well it’s been a while but here I am. During the final stages of pregnancy, one can feel a tad…um…crazy. When you start doing things like grabbing the tv remote to go out and unlock the car, you question whether you ought to be sharing any of your thoughts on a public blog. Nevertheless, God is gracious and has continued to encourage me thru His Word. I pray this post would be uplifting to you today…especially if you are feeling a little crazy yourself.

During my pregnancy, I was waiting around anxiously for the birth of our little girl. There were many worries, many concerns, many "what ifs." As time went on, it became clear that those worries were rooted in a misunderstanding of God's love for me. Women have beliefs about God that fluctuate depending on our emotions of the day. Sometimes, we’re happy so that must mean “God is good, and He loves me.” Sometimes, we’re down therefore “God is far and I am insignificant.” Still other times, we’re ensnared in sin so “God is angry and there’s no hope for me.” But as C.S. Lewis said, “Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.”

Sadly, our thoughts toward God can be very man-centered. We may believe His love for us is dependent on our personal fight against sin, or maybe we derive our beliefs about His love based on the inconsistent love of man around us – which falls hopelessly short of God’s love. If we aren’t careful, we’ll find ourselves playing crazy games with God, games like little girls pulling petals off flowers to figure out if that boy still loves them today…

Not long ago, I read a verse that struck at the heart of my baby anxiety. Jeremiah 32:41: “I will rejoice in doing them good.” Those are God’s words spoken to His chosen, covenant people. I’m ashamed to say, they shocked me. In the midst of my doubt and concern over whether my baby would be healthy, whether the delivery would go smoothly, etc., I had completely lost sight of God’s Fatherly love for me. I knew Romans 8:28 and believed He would work everything out for my good but I forgot something very crucial. I forgot that He would delight in doing it!

In Matthew 7:11 Jesus says: “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him?” Even earthly fathers can show kindness to their kids. Maybe they remember to buy a birthday gift or they follow through on a promise they’ve made. We have a heavenly Father who is unlike any Father here on earth. He is unchanging, faithful, steadfast, omnipresent, omniscient… He is holy. He is not like us. He is much much much much better. If we screw up parents can give good gifts to our kids (gifts they actually want!) how dare we doubt our exceedingly good, kind, indescribably loving, redeeming Maker to do the same for us?

If you’re struggling with your own anxiety disorder, listen to the words of Jesus in Matthew 6:27: “And which of you by being anxious, can add a single hour to his span of life?” Our job is not to speculate how things are going to work out tomorrow. Our job is to trust Jesus and bask in His love today. Stop picking apart that pretty flower in your hands. Stop speculating, stop guessing.

Oh and by the way, all my worrying was for nothing. My daughter was born healthy, happy and pretty darn cute to boot. But what if something had gone horribly wrong? Still, I wouldn't have gained a thing by all my worrying. And in fact, I would have set myself up for greater heartache because the truth of God's love for me would not have been present in my mind. Worrying, like all sin, masquerades itself. It pretends to give you something. In my case it pretended to "prepare" me for whatever may lie ahead. Instead, worrying robbed me. It robbed me of countless hours and a tranquil heart. Don't spend a bit of your time worrying today. Instead, throw all your worries at the cross and know that your Daddy's got it covered. He loves you, period.

Posted by Erika

Invitation Complications

2011-10-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are again! Life has been a whirlwind and, once again, it has taken me much longer to get a blog post written than I anticipated. Some Veritas gals asked for this post a long time ago and I am just finally getting it done. For the gals who asked, I do apologize, and I hope its usefulness hasn't expired entirely.

The question was posed:
As Christian women, how do we handle the whole issue of inviting people to social gatherings? Do we always invite absolutely every woman we know, so as to avoid hurting anyone's feelings, or is that mere people-pleasing? What if we can't host a huge crowd? How can we still be kind but only invite a limited number of friends? What do we do if someone isn't invited, they find out and are hurt?

So, here is my semi-long answer to a pretty short question.

I have to say that being a Christian would be much simpler if we all lived alone in caves in the mountains. Kind of like the Grinch. However, 'loving our neighbor as ourselves' can be difficult at times, particularly when we actually have neighbors. In theory it all sounds good. In practice: not always so easy.

Here are some principles for both the inviters and the invitees.

For those extending the invitation:

1. Don't run the mental rabbit trails of "if I invite them, then I must invite this person over here, and their second cousin...and their aunt....and their second cousin's aunt's son in law, otherwise, they might find out and unfriend me on Facebook, or worse yet, write something nasty on my wall. Then all 600 of my friends would also know I had a dinner party...and the 585 that weren't invited will all be mad at me! Then, what would I do?! Oh the horror! " Just invite the crowd that seems most appropriate to your event, if your conscience is clear, move forward and don't play the "What if?" game.

2. Honor others in love with your invitations. Romans 12:10, "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Pray over your event, pray over who the Lord would have you invite. Be as inclusive as you possibly can. Make a point to invite people who are new to town or church, who are hurting, who are lonely, who need ministry of some kind. Don't always be overly focused on inviting "fun people." Think about the ministry impact of an invitation. Make your invitations count.

3. Invite with a clear conscience. If you know that so and so would be hurt if they weren't invited, put them on the invite list first. It isn't your job to decide that this person should be less sensitive or less needy, etc... It is your job to be kind and loving. Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another. Just as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you."

4. If it comes to your attention that you have hurt the feelings of someone who wasn't invited to a gathering you hosted, go out of your way to love that person. You needn't necesarily give a long explanation (this is where love can cross over into people-pleasing), but show them that you care. If you overlooked them and regret not inviting them, by all means, tell them so!

Principles for those on the receiving end of an invitation:

1. Be gracious, say yes or no, and then do everything in your power to keep your word.

2. Don't go blab to others about who invited you where. Be gracious, courteous, and put others before yourself. You never know how your loose lips may end up causing division or hurt feelings, so hush up.

3. If you hear of an event that you were not invited to, assume the best, and resolve not to take up an offense. Don't assume that you were not invited because someone was trying to exclude you, or doesn't like you. Don't allow yourself to indulge in self pity. Assume the best possible thing about the person who did not invite you, let it go, and move on. Be gracious, humble, and kind.

Blessings in your gatherings!

Posted by Kristen

Serving God in the Philippines...

2011-10-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

Veritas-ettes and other friends,

We wanted to share with you how God is using one of our members to serve women in the Philippines. Renee is gearing up for another trip very soon. Here is a letter from Renee. Please pray for her, encourage her and support her in any way you can.

Blessings,
Erika

Dear Friends and Family,

Greetings from Roseville! I hope this letter finds each of you basking in God’s grace and goodness and ever mindful of His great sacrifice.

As many of you may remember, I went to the Philippines in May to serve alongside a team of sonographers with Hope Imaging. God provided us an opportunity to train nursing staff at Glory Reborn Maternity Clinic in the skill of ultrasound. Their services were expanded and their ministry has continued to impact their community providing maternity care at no cost to a community with a very high maternal mortality rate, but more importantly displaying the love of Christ to each person who walks through their clinic doors.

Lord-willing, I will be traveling to the Philippines again October 28^th-November 5^th. I am so excited to join Hope Imaging again, but also to return to Glory Reborn where we will continue the ultrasound training and minister to the practical needs of the people in Cebu. What an honor and blessing to serve our great God alongside this organization all for His glory!

Please consider prayerfully partnering alongside us:

1) Pray that above all, God’s name would be glorified and hearts would be softened toward Him in Cebu City, Philippines.

2) Pray for travel mercies and health for Connie and Renee while in a foreign country and for a sensitivity to the Spirit’s leading as we prepare and then go.

3) Pray for the nursing staff at Glory Reborn as they continue their training and expand their knowledge.

4) Pray for David and Hilary Overton as they continue to manage the clinic. Hilary is currently in medical school with plans of opening her own hospital within the next few years.

5) Pray for steadfastness and encouragement for all of the staff at Glory Reborn as they encounter spiritual attack in their ministry.

If you would like to financially partner with Hope Imaging, please visit www.hopeimaging.org and click “DONATE”. Specify “Renee-Philippines” on your PayPal message or send a written check to the address listed at the top of this letter.

Serving Him alongside YOU,

Renee

Have You Heard the News?

2011-10-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

Hi Readers,

Please visit a new site we created: Doubly Loved for some very exciting news about the Meyers family you don't want to miss!!!!

Peace, hope and love to you,
Erika

Adoration

2011-09-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

As you'll notice, it took a few days to get to the "Day 3" entry in our Sproul series on prayer. There were matters around the Meyers household that needed much prayer. So much so that blogging about prayer had to be temporarily set aside. But, here goes.

R.C. Sproul encourages us to study the Lord's prayer. He notes that it begins with adoration.

"When we begin our prayers with adoration, we are setting the tone for coming to God in confession, in thanksgiving, and in supplication. Hebrews 4:16 tells us that we are to enter into the Holy of Holies boldly, for the veil has been removed by the cross. The sword the angel wielded at the gate to paradise has been removed. Christ has given us access to the Father. Yet if we look at the history of the church, people have kept a respectful distance, thinking that God remained aloof from them. Prayer became so formal that the church and its people reacted with equal intensity in the opposite direction.

Today we have "conversational prayer." Our talking to God goes something like this: "Uh, hi there, God. How's it going? Not too good for me today, but, uh, you know, you and me, God, we'll make it somehow, huh?" This is a rather casual approach to God. It represents an overreaction to formalism, but it turns out to be the kind of informality that breeds contempt. Designed to eliminate artificiality, it has created the worst kind of artificiality. It is hard to imagine that any created being would have the audacity to speak to God like this in His immediate presence. God has invited us to come freely into His presence, but we must realize that we are still coming before God. When confronted with the Lord God Omnipotent Himself, who would speak as if to a friend at a baseball game? We may come boldly, but never arrogantly, never presumptuously, never flippantly, as if we were dealing with a peer. When we begin our prayer with adoration and praise, we acknowledge the One to whom we are speaking."

Posted by Kristen

The Purpose of Prayer and The Sovereignty of God

2011-09-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Greetings! Welcome to Day 2 of our R.C. Sproul series on prayer. I hope the excerpt below is as helpful to you as it was to me. Have you ever thought, "Why pray? God already knows the beginning from the end, and God certainly doesn't change his mind, so what is the point?" If so, I hope the following discourse by Mr. Sproul will be encouraging.

"No human being has ever had a more profound understanding of divine sovereignty than Jesus. No man ever prayed more fiercely or more effectively. Even in Gethsemane, He requested an option, a different way. When the request was denied, He bowed to the Father's will. The very reason we pray is because of God's sovereignty, because we believe that God has it within His power to order things according to His purpose. That is what sovereignty is all about- ordering things according to God's purpose. So then, does prayer change God's mind? No. Does prayer change things? Yes, of course.

The promise of the Scripture is that "The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working" (James 5:16). The problem is that we are not all that righteous. What prayer most often changes is the wickedness and the hardness of our own hearts. That alone would be reason enough to pray, even if none of the other reasons were valid or true. In a sermon titled "The Most High, a Prayer-Hearing God," Jonathan Edwards gave two reasons why God requires prayer:

'With respect to God, prayer is but a sensible acknowledgement of our dependence on him to his glory. As he hath made all things for his own glory, so he will be glorified and acknowledged by his creatures; and it is fit that he should require this of those who would be subjects of his mercy. It is a suitable acknowledgement of our dependence on the power and mercy of God for that which we need, and but a suitable honor paid to the great Author and Fountain of all good. With respect to ourselves, God requires prayer of us... Fervent prayer in many ways tends to prepare the heart. Hereby is excited a sense of our need...whereby the mind is more prepared to prize [his mercy]... Our prayer to God may excite in us a suitable sense and consideration of our dependence on God for the mercy we ask, and a suitable exercise of faith in God's sufficiency, so that we may be prepared to glorify his name when the mercy is received.'

All that God does is for His glory first and for our benefit second. We pray because God commands us to pray, because it glorifies Him, and because it benefits us."

What encouragement!

Posted by Kristen

R.C. Sproul on Prayer

2011-09-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

Greetings all! Happy Fall!

This week I'll be sharing wonderful and helpful snippets from a book I am reading by R.C. Sproul on prayer. It is amazingly encouraging and enlightening, and I hope it will be for you as well. Sproul refers to prayer as a "vital but neglected and misunderstood Christian discipline." Is that true in your life? Then, read on!

Something to think about today in regards to prayer and stagnation in your walk with God:

"Prayer is the secret of holiness- if holiness, indeed has anything secretive about it. If we examine the lives of great saints of the church, we find that they were great people of prayer. John Wesley once remarked that he didn't think much of ministers who didn't spend at least four hours per day in prayer. Luther said that he prayed regularly for an hour every day except when he experienced a particularly busy day. Then he prayed for two hours. The neglect of prayer is a major cause of stagnation in the Christian life. Consider the example of Peter in Luke 22:39-62. Jesus went to the Mount of Olives to pray, as was His custom, and told His disciples, "Pray that you may not enter into temptation." The disciples fell asleep instead. The next thing Peter did was try to take on the Roman army with a sword; then he denied Christ. Peter did not pray, and as a result he fell into temptation. What is true of Peter is true of all of us: we fall in private before we ever fall in public."

So, what temptation might you face today? I hope that is a helpful encouragement to open your Bible and commune with God through prayer. Prayer seems the only effective means to guard ourselves against the many temptations that may come.

Look for more from R.C. Sproul on prayer tomorrow!

Posted by Kristen

The Opposite of Apt

2011-09-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.”

Proverbs 25:11

While out and about amidst the public, my torpedo pregnant belly and two boys (18 months apart) have elicited some interesting comments of late. Here’s a recap of our most recent outings:

Last month, we needed to pick up a couple children’s birthday gifts from the Galleria. So, after a quick mall behavior etiquette Q & A, a bag packed with sippy’s, snacks and lollipops for good measure, we were off to the mall. As my little guys were having tons of fun playing on the quarter rides, a well-dressed man in his 40’s approached me and out of nowhere said, “You have two boys and a baby on the way?” To which I replied, “Yes, we’re so excited! We can’t wait to meet our baby girl!” The man stood uncomfortably close and with a coy smile, sneered “Kinda scary.” Then, he just walked away. I stood there a tad dumbfounded trying to process the intention behind such a comment!

Then at the Fountains I purposed to buy a pair of comfortable sandals with a gift card I had been saving. After explaining the expectations of our trip, distributing two long awaited chocolate milks and saying a prayer, my boys and I were off in our double stroller to the play area. Once all the wiggles appeared to be sufficiently wiggled out, we headed over to the shoe store to take care of business. I struggled to exit the door with my double-wide (you could interpret that as stroller or pregnant rear-end by the way). A couple ladies were entering the store. One woman said, “Two little guys and one on the way? You are a brave soul.” Translation: “You’re one crazy chick! Haven’t you heard this is the year 2011? We have ‘choices’ now ya know!”

And if I had a dollar for every time someone made helpful comments such as, “Wow, look at those kids so close together in age. You do know how that happens don’t ya?” I’m sure I’d have enough to buy another pair of shoes!

Why do strangers express these thoughts to young moms just trying to make it through their errand list without a meltdown? I don’t really know. But, the purpose of this writing is not to presume I do. They may be totally well-intentioned people thinking a mother would feel better knowing the world empathizes with the hard work she does every day. The real purpose of this is to share with you what comments like these remind me of: comments I make every day! How often have I made remarks that were the opposite of apt…unseeming, unfitting, unsuitable, unhelpful. Have there been times when one of my boys needed a soft response and I gave a harsh one? No doubt. Have there been times when my husband needed a listening ear and got a gabby mouth instead. Definitely.

If offhanded comments made by people who don’t even know me can portray a clear message: “We don’t value children and we don’t value your decision to have them,” what can comments made by people who are close to me do? What about people who claim to love Jesus? Yikes. Our tongues carry more weight than we’d like to believe.

Sadly, we are well more acquainted with the opposite of apt than we are with the God-given command to be “apt” in our speech. Many of us have experienced the devastating affects misplaced words can have on our hearts and surely all of us have hurt others by doing the very same thing.

I wonder what would happen if we truly realized the power in an apt response? Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Wow. Our tongues have the power to give life. They can either be used as a motivating, encouraging, creative force in the lives of others or a deadly, discouraging, confusion-breeding force. Knowing that should do two things: 1. Make us tremble before a holy God and repent quickly when we have used our speech in a way that defames His name and 2. Make us excited!! It is so humbling and incredibly motivating to know God has given us such a power. He can use our words and the way we speak our words to enrapture people with Himself. He can use us to get another’s attention, to build, to teach kindness, to show love, to voice truth. And if you are a mom, oh boy do you have a power hidden in your tongue. Proverbs 16:15 says, “In the light of a king’s face there is life, and his favor is like the clouds that bring the spring rain.” If someone under authority (like a child) gets all that just from the sweet smile of someone in authority (like his mama) we possess quite a power. What can our words do if merely our demeanor has such an affect?

I wonder what it would feel like to have a stranger approach me and say, “What a lovely family you have. You are exceedingly blessed! Thank you for raising the next generation.” What an unexpected encouragement it would be! How uplifting and motivating! From a close friend or family member? Wow. Words like that can redirect, shape, convict of sin and encourage in righteousness for a lifetime to come. No matter who you are or what your season of life, know this: You’ve got the power!

So, no excuses…let’s strive to be something better than “nice”, superficial gals who use our words to fill space. And let’s repent if we’ve used our words to wound. May we resolve never to personify the opposite of apt but to go about our day using our words to beautify the world around us. Encourage, rebuke, exhort, shut up! Pray for wisdom and think carefully before responding. If someone like the well-meaning people I ran into during my recent travels happens to say, “Wow, looks like you’ve got your hands full”, redeem it like Rachel Jankovic. Say, “Why yes I do…full of good things!” Now that is apt through and through. Thank you Jesus for aptly spoken words and for the power You give to speak them!

Posted by Erika

Why Wait?

2011-08-29T15:34:00.000-07:00

Last week, my husband and I started watching a popular reality show where the family has like 20 kids or something. Watching the show was an interesting experience for us.

I think it’s great that the family on this show loves kids. As far as the show depicts, each child seems well loved and cared for. But, I’ve got to admit, I was bothered by something. The episode I watched was the one where the oldest son proposes to his fiancée. Sweet, fine, good. Nice to see a guy respecting his future father in law by asking for permission to marry his daughter (kinda disturbing however, when the father in law responds with an emphatic “Yes!” asking no questions of the young man whatsoever!) Neat that the family takes their daughter out to a birthday dinner so she can be surprised with the proposal. (Although, in my view, a marriage proposal ought never take place at an establishment with the word “gator” in its name…not to mention an alligator statue dressed as a butler greeting folks at the door…just a matter of personal preference though.)

I was greatly disturbed by something – the family appears to have some very strange views on sex, particularly why a Christian ought to wait to “do the deed” until marriage. Here are the reasons I heard given by the oldest son, some of his brothers and sisters and his parents. If your background is anything like mine (drenched in the “True Love Waits” campaign of the late nineties) these reasons will sound very familiar to you…

1. If you have sex before marriage you will give a piece of your heart away and have “little to nothing” left over to give your spouse on your wedding day.

2. You will have “emotional baggage” that will never go away.

3. Pregnancy and std’s are bad and happen during premarital sex.

4. Your intimacy with your spouse will never be what it should.

5. True love waits – so if you’ve had sex before marriage you’ve never truly been in love.

Now, I’m sure (if you are a Christian) you will say along with me that there are truths in these statements. Yes, it is true that sex before marriage can bring unavoidable consequences with it such as problems with intimacy in marriage, the possibility of an std or an “unplanned” pregnancy and, because 1 John 4:7 says, “…everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God,” we know that true, Christlike love can only be found in the heart of one who knows Christ. A follower of Christ will endeavor to remain faithful to the Lord in all things so yes, in that sense true love does wait. But you know what? These reasons are insufficient!! If this is the reasoning we offer the world when they ask about the hope that lies within us (why we do strange things like wait to have sex until marriage), we are gospel-illiterate and need to do some serious soul-searching and repenting. First off, why do we do anything that is directly opposed to culture? Is it because it’s nice, safe and cute…easily earning us a “good person badge?” Is it because it makes good sense? Is it because that’s just “the way we were raised?” It better not be! Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” The reasoning behind the True Love Waits campaign may be logical but if that is what we are leaning on when choosing to honor the Lord by keeping His commandments, we are still leaning on our own understanding! We don’t wait to have sex because it makes good sense, we do it because our King told us to!

Some of the reasons we have in the church to wait for marriage aren’t even true! I remember being told you shouldn’t have sex before marriage because if you do, God considers you married to the other person (a gross misapplication of 1 Corinthians 6:16). How many self-proclaimed followers of Christ have used that as validation for co-habitation? Many! Rather, the clear counsel of Scripture is that we are united to Christ, light has nothing to do with darkness so we have no business marrying unbelievers (let alone sleeping with them!). God doesn’t look at two fornicators as though they are married and choose to overlook their sin. He looks at them as two fornicators who are fornicating! You don’t have to stay with someone just because you’ve slept with them and now you think God sees you as married. You have the freedom (and the orders from God Himself!) to RUN as fast as you can out of that relationship. Thanks for letting me go on that rant. Now back to the reality tv show…

“True Love Waits” falls short because it is gospel-less. How encouraging it would have been when asked by the cameraman why he plans to wait for marriage, for the oldest son to have said, “Because Jesus is my King. He saved me from my sin, from Satan, from death and hell. I belong to Him. I trust Him. I love Him. And that’s just enough.” God gets all the glory in a statement like that! Instead, many Christians (including myself at times) will offer the dumbest reasons for why we do what we do. We want to look good, we want the glory so we sacrifice the bigness and goodness of God for our feeble attempts to be big and good on our own. But, as Pastor Erik reminded us yesterday, we are all moral failures (yes, even the sweet family with 27 kids!).

And you know what else? Though there may be some truth to the reasons given by the family as to why it is good to obey God’s law in the area of sexual intimacy, there are also some very twisted lies that must be put off in order to have a Christ-exalting view of sex. First of all, yes, sex before marriage can be very painful emotionally (particularly for women). Women who engage in sex before marriage often feel guilty when they have sex with their husbands. They often struggle to think of themselves as sensuous people because the guilt of their past sin weighs them down. The memories and bitterness against those who took advantage of them and those who failed to protect them, can have lasting consequences. BUT THERE’S REDEMPTION IN THE GOSPEL!!!! Women living in this gospel-less mindset can find hope in the gospel and go on to enjoy healthy, exciting sexual relationships with their husbands. They can forgive those who have used them because Christ forgave them for using others. They can be free to enjoy sex with their husbands because Jesus already took the punishment for them – no penance is needed on their behalf. Why are we afraid to extend this kind of grace to people? Do we think they will sin it up now thinking they can bank on God’s grace later? A Christ follower won’t think that way. If we love Him we keep His commandments. If you too were swindled by the True Love Waits jargon (I even had the ring to boot!) and if following God’s standards was the result of a self-righteous heart and not a thankful, servant’s heart, there is hope for you yet.

Don’t let a reality tv family, the polished conservative Senator, or Christian radio deceive you. Convincing people to follow rules can't change motives of the heart. The one and only reason Christians follow Jesus is because of the gospel. Giving the world moralistic reasoning in place of the gospel is faithless, unconvincing, and I’m sorry to say, it sounds really stupid….because it is. Our goal can't be to make rules look good. (There are plenty of people who make breaking the rules look a lot better!) Tell them about Jesus and stop talking so much about sex, drugs or whatever you think the problem is. It's not! Their problem is they need Jesus. Show them who He is and you won't have to make rules look good because they will have hearts that naturally delight in the law of God (yes, even without a tacky True Love Waits ring reminding them to).

If God has kindly restrained you in the area of sexual sin, thank Him and continue to persevere. You are honoring your King! Your purity is a great encouragement to your brothers and sisters around you. If you haven't waited, let Jesus wash you, heal you and give you total and complete redemption… Redemption that cute rules like "True Love Waits" can never give.

Posted by Erika

Beauty's Purpose

2011-08-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

“He has made everything beautiful in its time...”

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Do you ever find yourself wondering why anything ought to be lovely if Scripture defines our lives as "fleeting?" Should we give any thought to the beauty of a thing or is it pure vanity to do so? Throughout history, Christians have been known to regard things like: dressing nicely, decorating with thought, party planning using good taste, etc. as pure vanity. Although on the outside it may appear very holy and “heavenly minded,” this mindset is neither. A Christ-exalting view of beauty will look at creation and, rather than trying to deny its beauty, will thank God for the wonder of it and will seek to use it to display Him more fully.

I was reminded of this truth last week when chatting with my husband. He had the privilege of visiting our wildly gifted artist friend at his new business. While observing the work our friend had done, my husband said it was nothing but “awe for God inspiring.” “To see beautiful work like that, how someone can create something so appealing to the eye…makes me think of God!” His face lit up as he spoke. That is beauty’s purpose. To make us stand in awe of God.

Look at creation. Stare at the sky and the whimsical movements of the clouds. Beautiful! Go pick a flower. Look at the detail and design…smell it. Beautiful! Stare into the eyes of a child. Absolutely beautiful. How can we as people who profess to know a beautiful God, become “beauty-shunners” pretending that anything stylish, culturally relevant, or eye-appealing is sinful? I’m not making an argument for an over-focused, self-glorifying view of beauty. Certainly that can be a struggle for Christians as well. But, whether you are prone to an under-appreciation of beauty or an over-focused, self-exalting view of beauty, both are problematic because they fail to see God's purpose in beauty.

Beauty is a weapon. It is a weapon against the enemy’s lies that God is boring, small, and ugly. Use this weapon! Use it when you’re setting your table. Set it with a heart that desires to make God big in the eyes of everyone seated there. Remind them of His rich, bountiful promises of mercy and goodness in your centerpiece, in your placecard holders, in your linens and candles, in the presentation of the food. Use this weapon when you dress yourself. Not wearing stained, torn clothing because you’re too lazy to wash your clothes or repair your torn shirt. Remind everyone (including yourself) that you are a child of God, bought and paid for, loved by Him, with the promise of having every need forever met. Value your Creator’s view of yourself that others might find the same treasure.

Nancy Wilson teaches younger women to go out and “beautify the world around them.” Can you imagine why the Creator, the Most Beautiful, would desire to use tiny, insignificant creatures like us to do His good work of beautifying? Simply because He is beautiful. Altogether. Kind, good, perfect in every way. Look around and ask God to help you see what needs beautifying in your life. Whether it’s something tangible like a dirty bathroom or something unseen like an unholy heart attitude, seek to beautify it for His sake. Ask Him for help. He is in the business of beautifying! For, He turns ugly things into beautiful beautifiers themselves! What a breathtakingly beautiful God we serve.

Posted by Erika

Single, Serving, Blessed

2011-08-04T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hello all! Kristen here. My how time has flown! Right after we finished our women's study, my computer decided he needed a break. He threw a big fit, then collapsed in exhaustion and refused to do a thing! Thankfully, after a little visit to the Genius Bar at the mall, he is happy and refreshed, and back up and running!

I have had a little guest blog for some time now to share. By way of introduction, our church has been very blessed with a whole lot of young and older single people. I have to say, these guys and gals are the life blood of much of what goes on at Veritas. They serve intensely, performing duties that many in a season of parenting a gaggle of children are simply not able to. I often think I don't know where our church would be (or where I would be personally) without them! I see many younger girls constantly filling their time with love and service to others. I know of a handful of girls who, when they are not working, can be found: babysitting children so a busy mom can run errands or go to the doctor, cooking a meal for a family who has moved or had a baby, planning baby or bridal showers or birthday parties for friends in the church, coming early and staying late at their community group to help set up and clean up, going to Costco for a mom so that she doesn't have to lug four little ones in, and countless other acts of love. One friend of ours wrote about her journey as she has sought to serve God most fully in this season of her life. She is a great blessing to her church and community! So, thank you Renee for sharing your story.

For a long while, as the youngest of three older siblings (three older siblings who are married with children), it was easy to sulk in discontentment and long for what I did not have. I wanted to be married. I wanted to share in the joy of motherhood with my sisters and friends. I wanted to serve the Lord with a partner at my side. I wanted to grow a family of my own and establish a home. I was discontent, dissatisfied, and displeased. Every time I saw another couple sharing a hug or rejoicing in the birth of a child, my envy would heighten and my sorrows would deepen. Although I oftentimes would shrug it off and say, “God knows best,” it was not a true reflection of my sinful and selfish discontentment.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

By God’s grace and sanctifying work, He began to open my eyes to this consistent sinful attitude about my life and redirect my focus from myself and my singleness to Himself and His goodness. Wendy Alsup, in her book Practical Theology for Women, wrote these words in reference to Philippians 2, which challenged me in my core: “We are called to willingly give up our rights and welcome the sacrifices that accompany being a servant to others. As our grasp on our perceived rights weakens, our needs fade into the background, and we become little images of Christ – consumed with the needs of others to the forgetfulness of our own.” God has (and still is) convicting me to be prudent with my time and to serve Him faithfully, joyfully, and fervently, right here, right now, just as I am.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
During this season of life, my time is not vested in serving a husband or caring for children. I can attest to many wonderful wives and mothers who do an outstanding job joyfully serving their families by maintaining a household, preparing meals, and caring for little ones, and THAT takes an incredible amount of time! While it is a God-ordained, purposeful role, it is not the role God has for me right now. Instead, the Holy Spirit is revealing to me that the fullness of my joy comes in serving others during this season of singleness and spare time.

I am a single woman and I am a daughter of two parents who need encouraging and prayerful support in their church ministry. I am an auntie to nine sweet children who thrive on the extra attention and love I can shower on them. I am a sister to siblings who need laundry folded, children watched, carpets vacuumed, and prayerful support in their parenting and marriages. I am a friend to dear souls who need a listening ear, encouraging words, and godly fellowship. I am a nurse to parents and children who need medical assistance seasoned with a compassion that only comes from knowing Christ. I am a granddaughter to grandparents who need to know and see Jesus in me. I am a coworker to many who need to see Jesus shine through a joyful attitude in the workplace. I am a missionary to neighbors at home and abroad who are desperate for Truth that fulfills and sustains. I am a member of a Veritas family that needs willing hearts to serve. Most importantly, I am a child of the King Who commands me to be diligent in studying His word and serving others, and Who sees no single moment of my life as lacking purpose.

I praise God for revealing to me that opportunity for ministry abounds in this season of my life! We are all entrusted with great responsibility to serve right where we are and in this season of life to bring glory to His great name! Those of us who are single ought to feel honored and humbled that He would BLESS us with this gift of singleness. What a great time in our lives to seek to diligently serve the Lord with our time!

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Ephesians 5:15-20

“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength God supplies – in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:9-10

“Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)

Be encouraged and be challenged as I am, to live right here, right now, right in the place the Lord has you, serving Him fully and joyfully.

Guest Post by Renee

It's Summer Break

2011-07-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

Summer vacation has arrived. It is a good time to refresh our minds on the doctrine of rest. I am only recently beginning to get a little shred of understanding about how rest relates to God, but let me give you a taste of what I am learning.

1. Every time we sleep, and sleep soundly, it is a chance to reaffirm the absolute and complete sovereignty of God. You can sleep because God has no need for sleep! He is in complete and perfect control. Resting, absent of worry and toil is an affirmation of our trust in a trustworthy Creator. Lying awake worrying in the middle of the night is an act of faithlessness. (Ouch, I know - I am a regular midnight worrier.)

2. When we cease from work or study, it is an affirmation that all of our Ecclesiastical 'toil under the sun' is just that. It may be of some importance, but it just isn't nearly as important as we can make it out to be. God is so in control that even if I shut down my computer and 'text box', life will still go on. The God of the universe is still in control even if I don't stay up half the night scrubbing the kitchen floor and baseboards or designing the picture perfect birthday celebration for one of my children.

3. If you are a mother, it is likely your work never really stops for long, and that is good and right. However, when you spend hours in the sandbox with your son, instead of scrubbing away at the baseboards: that is a reminder for your soul that your righteousness is not in your latest cleaning frenzy or any number of other works you may be ever so pleased with...but in Christ alone.

4. If summer is your busiest season: Christ is still your rest! All the time, right now, and eternally. If your schedule is full, Christ is still your rest. If sleep is in short supply, you can rest in Christ even in your weariness.

5. A heart that is at rest in God is a contented heart. Cast your heart and hopes for happiness wholly on your Creator. Be at rest, even amidst hardship, in Him.

Enjoy the summer and let it be a reminder that we can rest because God never does.

Cheers!

Posted by Kristen

Baby on the Brain

2011-07-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

When a woman gets the news she is pregnant, often times all she can think about is nursery planning, cute clothes and diaper bags. Trivial things can begin to take over and the focus can be on having a “perfect baby experience” instead of a “faithful baby experience.” Wise women who love Jesus will see things like a pretty nursery, cute clothes, and catchy names as secondary to Jesus. Wise women won’t be fooled by the wrong kind of pressure to have a “perfect baby experience” because they will be concerned about the right kind of pressure – the pressure of being a faithful mother.

When I recently discovered we are expecting a baby girl, I was (and still am!!) totally elated! Hair bows, crystal chandeliers and everything girly invaded my mind for days. While those things aren’t wrong (after all, they are gifts from God), they can be given a wrong priority in an expectant mother’s mind. I’m thankful God has gradually brought my heart under the right kind of pressure and I have begun to feel greater concern over something else with this little girl.

She will look to me as she will to no other woman on the planet. Her ideas of biblical femininity and godly submission will come directly from my behaviors and attitudes. That’s scary. I’m not just creating a sweet little nursery for a precious baby girl so I can have “my perfect baby experience”, no, God is using me to create a woman Who fears His name, Who loves Him more than anything and that is quite a challenge. We can’t undertake that on our own and that is why I commend the sweet woman at church expecting her first child who recently asked me what young mothers should do to prepare for their child raising years. In this post, I’ve adapted my answer to her. Whether you are expecting a baby, hope to at some point or know someone who is, I pray this is helpful to you.

Being a mommy is nothing other than a tremendous blessing and I’m sure you are already feeling that immense love and grace being poured out by God in choosing to bless you with a baby. But, the sad thing is because we are sinners we mess up things that are supposed to be good. We take a wonderful gift like a baby and we do things like: 1. complain about how tough it is when we are sleep deprived, 2. put our husband on the back burner and make an idol out of our baby, 3. become impatient, frustrated, lazy [insert your sin of choice here]. I don’t know your particular sin tendencies, but hopefully you can apply this list of things I wish I had done differently with my first baby and somehow find it helpful…

1. I wish I would have prepared myself for hard work. Having a baby is a lot of work. There are many days where you have to get by on 4 hours of intermittent sleep while continuing to do laundry, make meals, and be kind to your husband! If you haven’t prepared yourself to work hard it is a particularly difficult transition. Getting 10 hours of sleep a night before baby comes along, watching way too much tv after work, complaining about how hard it is to be pregnant and devoting 99% of your thoughts to what sounds good for dinner is no way to spend the training days of motherhood! I wish I would have trained myself to wake up a little earlier, spend time with Jesus and practiced how to push through my work without complaining. By doing so, I would have saved myself the trouble of having to work much harder at breaking those bad habits after baby arrived.

2. I wish I would have kept the first things first in my relational priorities. When a baby comes along it can be a temptation for women to totally neglect their husbands. Since mom is the one waking up most with baby and caring for baby throughout the day, it can become easy to get angry and bitter at your husband because you think you have it harder than he does. Husbands are a huge help (and should be) when a baby is born into a family, but no one can change the fact that babies need their mamas most. That’s just the way God made them, and instead of treasuring that privilege it can be easy to begin to resent it. If you go to church and frequently have to leave service because the baby is fussing, it’s easy to begin to resent your mommy role and blame it on your husband. If you have a hobby you used to enjoy before baby came along and now you have to give it up to take care of baby, it can be very easy to resent your mommy role and blame it on your husband. It’s really important that in this next season you are entering, you remember – it’s only a season. Before you know it, it will be gone and you’ll be onto something new. You have to keep the first things first, otherwise there will be a bunch of sin to repent of and an entire season of life wasted. Treasure your husband and love him on this journey together. Don’t allow the enemy to get a foothold in your marriage while you are just starting to raise a family together.

3. I wish I would have had a greater understanding of the deception of sin and how it commonly affects women during the baby phase. Had I known that having a baby would reveal things in me I never thought I would see (impatience, complaining, laziness, etc.) I would have been horrified! I would have desperately wanted to heed the warning in Proverbs 27:12: “The prudent sees danger and hides himself but the simple go on and suffer for it.” I would have wanted to hide myself from those dangers by studying Scripture and listening to other women talk about how to combat those sinful feelings when they arise. I wish I would have taken complaining more seriously, impatience more seriously…I wish I would have fought my sin more diligently in the days leading up to having a baby and in those days after baby was born. I wish I wouldn’t have sat in judgment over people who sounded flustered with their kids and thought to myself, “I’ll never sound like that! I’ll be a perfect mother!” but instead realized that when I silently complain in my heart about waking up for the fourth time in two hours, I am showing the same impatience to my child.

4. I wish I would have enjoyed the time more! If my eyes weren’t focused on how hard I had it, I would have seen how wonderful it really was! I wish I would have spent more time snuggling, more time praying, more time singing over my little newborn instead of worrying, wondering when they’ll fall asleep, etc. It is devastating when mommies turn a beautiful thing like a baby into a burdensome thing. Just enjoy your baby. Plan for the house to be a little messier than usual, plan to be more tired than usual and be as prayed up and as studied up as you can be before baby comes along!

A wonderful thing to know is that God loves redeeming mommies. Many have been through the same struggles and by the grace of God are being conformed into faithful mommies. Having kids is the very thing that God used to begin His beautiful, sanctifying work in their lives! “Women will be saved through childbearing – if they continue in faith and love and holiness with self-control” 1 Timothy 2:15.

It can be very very good to have baby on the brain.

Posted by Erika

Redeem the Time

2011-07-05T07:19:00.000-07:00

"...making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Eph. 5:16

I have been thinking a lot lately about wise use of one's time. And, then I happened upon some wonderful words from Thomas Case. I hope his teaching encourages you all as you consider the wise application of Ephesians 5:16 in your own life. For me, the admonition felt like a swift whack on the back of the head!

"In affliction God teaches us to redeem the time. When life is tranquil, how many golden hours we throw down the stream that we shall never see again. Who is there that knows how to value time at its true worth? Most men (women) waste it as if they had more time than they could ever spend. We make short seasons even shorter. How sad to hear men complain, 'O, what shall we do to wile away the time?' But, O, when trouble and danger come, when the sword is threatening the body, the pistol is at the breast, the knife is at the throat, and death is at the door, how precious would one of those despised hours be! Evil days cry out, 'Redeem the time!' In life-threatening dangers, we can think of redeeming time for prayer and meditation. Yea, then we can gather up the very broken fragments of time, that nothing may be lost. By our lack of skillfulness and lack of planning we are caught off guard by death. We had planned upon years- many years- yet to come, but now we do not have the hours we need to make ready our accounts. This may be the night of our summons, and if our time is gone, and our work is not yet begun, what a state we are in. The soul will be perplexed at the hour of death if its work is yet to be done. A traveller that sees the sun setting when he is just beginning his journey must be aghast. The evening of our day, and the beginning of our task do not agree well together, and the time we have left is too short to lament the loss of by-past time. God comes upon the soul as the angel upon Peter in prison, and smites us upon our side, and bids us to rise up quickly, and gird ourselves, and bind on our sandals that we may redeem lost opportunities, and seek to do much work in a little time. It is a pity to lose any of our time, a thing that is so precious and so short."

Posted by Kristen

Veritas Womens Training Day!

2011-06-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

Hello Gals!

We are in the final stages of preparing for our ladies study on July 16th!
If you are planning on coming, will you please let us know? We want to be sure we are prepared with plenty of packets and coffee!

If you are coming, make sure we know by sending an email to our dear Erika: mattanderika05@gmail.com, OR post a comment here and tell us who you are and that you are coming!

Cheers!

Posted by Kristen

Woman Wars

2011-06-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

Romans 12:10

Women are good at wars – especially with each other. We are sensitive and easily offended. “She said what?” “She doesn’t agree with [insert just about anything here, i.e. my nursing schedule, family structure, bedtime routine, choice of earrings]?” “Oh it’s on! This means war!!”

Often times, at the root of such sin is a desire to outdo one another. We want acceptance, approval…and we want to be the best at attaining it. Culture has taught us to be highly competitive surrounding issues of little importance – looks, money, charm, status. As Christians, we know these are just a “chasing after the wind,” but can we ever be competitive in a God-honoring way? (You real competitive types are chomping at the bit now…) Scripture tells us to “outdo one another in showing honor.” In showing honor, we may be as competitive as we want!

I know of a friendship that exemplifies this well. Gifts are generous, time spent is meaningful, service is sacrificial, sin is dealt with lovingly, bitter roots are non-existent. Why? Because a godly, competitive “outdoing one another in showing honor” is alive and well in this friendship. In fact, one of the women has a little boy who came up with the title of this blog: “Woman Wars.” Upon observing the kindness his mother was showing her friend in preparing a gift for her, he asked, “Mom, is this where you try to be the nicer one and then Mrs. _______________ tries to outdo you by being nicer? You guys are playing your Woman Wars again.” The boy walked away leaving his mother dumbfounded! What an insightful young man! This little disciple was observing true Christian love. What a wonderful thing for him to see his mother doing! (Particularly when you contrast that with a mother speaking ill of her friend in front of her children.) Love is what we ought to be known for. John 13:35: “By this, all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

The curious thing about a friendship like this is that each person believes the other is outdoing them in showing honor! Neither is looking to their own interests, both are genuinely more concerned for the other’s. In a world where women are well known for cattiness and grudges, friendships like these are evidence of real gospel transformation. When you “outdo one another in showing honor” you teach the world of God’s graciousness, His undeserved kindness, His patience, longsuffering and faithful love. If we fail to honor each other, we tell lies about Jesus – that He is only at war with everyone and that grace is a pretend thing. As Christian women, we’d better not be known for our cattiness or we’ll never be known for our love.

Why is it difficult for women to show this kind of love to one another? Well, for some of us, trusting other women is no easy feat. We presume everyone is out to get us and consequently, there isn’t one female friend we have whom we care enough about to show this kind of honor. Others of us are overly concerned about being “fake.” We read the example given above and we think: “There’s no way those women are showing kindness to each other simply because they want to. There must be some other motivation” – constantly skeptical and critical. Still others of us desperately wish we had a friendship like this but maybe we just don’t know how to find one.

Let’s evaluate those thoughts in the light of Scripture to see if they hold up, shall we? Let’s look at the excuses we give when we fail to honor one another.

Excuse #1 – “I don’t trust any woman enough to show that kind of honor.” Really? Why is that? Are you attending a healthy church? Have you sought out community? Surely, if you have there must be some female friendship you’ve made. Could it be that your expectations are unreasonable? Could you be withholding honor from your friends because you are thinking too highly of yourself and not highly enough of others?

Excuse #2 – “I don’t want to be fake.”

No one is asking you to. The real concern is not whether you are being “fake.” Rather, you ought to ask yourself why you lack the desire to selflessly love and serve another? Why do you feel no gratitude to the Lord for your friendships? Do you think you deserve them? Have you forgotten they are gifts?

Excuse #3 – “I want a friendship like that but I just don’t have one.”

Pray for one! God loves you, He intends for you to live in community with His people, pray that He would bless you with a Christ-honoring female friendship. When He does bless you with one, don’t forget to outdo her in showing honor! Don’t become lazy or critical and don’t expect perfection! Show your gratitude to the Lord for the undeserved gift of friendship by regularly honoring her.

Practically, how can we honor each other as women? Here are some ideas.

1. Honor her with your words. Do not gossip about her, complain about her, or share private information about her. Rather, commend her in your speech, show great honor and appreciation for her, her husband and her children.

2. Honor her with your deeds. If you have the ability, drop off gifts, write her kind notes, make her a meal, serve her and her family. Be willing to be inconvenienced for her if a need arises and you are the one who has been called to fulfill it. Pray for her regularly.

3. Honor her with your thoughts. “Hope all things” no matter what. Assume the best even when you feel hurt. Ask questions, repent of bitterness and maintain a clean slate. In this way, you will have a heart desiring to outdo her in showing honor because gratitude is what will spring up in your heart for her – not cattiness and grudges.

4. Honor her with your life. Choose to walk through life with this person, no matter what. That means that when she falls out of fellowship with believers you are the first person at her doorstep. You’re not letting her go. When you notice she’s becoming bitter towards her husband or children, you lovingly correct her…you’re not letting her go. When out of her mouth you start to witness lies she has been believing you bring her truth…no matter how awkward the subject. You’re not letting her go! In this way, you will display God’s faithfulness mightily. God will use your faithfulness for good both in time and eternity. “My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins” James 5:19-20.

Jesus doesn’t let us go. He doesn’t stop extending his grace to his beloved ones. He continues to pursue, continues to love, and that faithfulness is used to soften His people over and over again. We can be a means within the context of female friendship to do the same thing! God can use our kindness to soften and change another. Why would we want to deprive ourselves of receiving or extending such love and grace? We can’t shy away from such an opportunity. Instead, we should read a verse like Romans 12:10 and think, “I want to win!”

So, let that competitive streak go wild and redeem your woman wars!

Posted by Erika

Something Bunny

2011-06-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

So, this is nothing overly serious... just something sweet, goofy and "kinda bunny".

My boys are gift givers. If you have read the love languages book, gifts are definitely my love language. Wanna make a "gifts" person happy? Tie a bow on a piece of chocolate (or anything else) and hand it to them. They'll feel cared about and happy. Don't need acts of service, long hugs, long walks, or quality time. Nope. Just something with a bow on it. So on the topic of gifts, here is a good little story about an early birthday gift I got yesterday from a fantabulous little eight year old.

My oldest son loves animals more than just about anything. The very fact that such a variety of animals exists is evidence enough of the existence of God for that kid. When I tell him of my own adventures with animals as a child, he is captivated. I told him one such story a few months back.

Here's a recap: When I was about ten, I decided to hop on my pink banana seat bike and head down to my local pet store. All I took with me was a back pack and a bunch of change. I had the wild idea to use all of the money I had in the world to buy a lop eared bunny. He was a fat, cute bunny with long droopy ears and the sweetest little bunny face you've ever seen. The pet store guy let me stuff him in my blue Jansport backpack and out the door I went. I used my last two quarters to stop and buy a head of ice berg lettuce for Mr. Bunny at the little corner market on my way back home. In retrospect, I've no idea how the bunny made it home alive, jostling around in the backpack and all. In any case, I loved that bunny. I hid him in my closet for the better part of a week before my dad walked in my room one evening and said, "Krissy, I know ya got something- just tell me: how many legs does it have?" I think he was unsure whether I had smuggled in a bird or a mammal. The bunny ended up living in a grand Hilton-esque bunny hutch out back and having a really happy bunny life. Until one sad day... When I opened the door of the cage to feed the bunny, he darted out. My three legged (but miraculously fast) dog, Lucy, started chasing the bunny. I did everything I could to rescue Mr. Bunny, but the dog was relentless. After nearly an hour of chasing the dog who was chasing the bunny, Mr. Bunny froze. He had a heart attack. And, I was heart broken. I cried and cried and held my bunny. Our sweet neighbor lady came over after hearing screaming from the back yard. She tried to make me feel better, and rubbed my back and offered me a soda. And there ended the story of my lop eared, beloved Mr. Bunny.

Fast forward about 20 years. I am turning 32 this week. And, look what the boys surprised me with Saturday?

My boys and I, with Cruiser the lop-eared bunny

My wonderful eight year old purposed to give me a lop eared bunny for my birthday. He enlisted his dad and his brothers and off they went!

And, check this out?!

He came with a lion-head bunny friend names Skittles. Skittles is kinda crazy looking. Adds to the fun of it all. The bunnies are delightful and my thoughtful boy is even more delightful. And, with no three legged dogs running around our property, I trust they will have a longer life than poor Mr. Bunny did.
Posted by Kristen

Why Show Up?

2011-06-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

Church attendance in our day and age is a confusing and convoluted subject. I remember the summer my family and I spent at a Reformed Baptist church we love. The Reformed Baptists, as a whole, are committed to being in corporate worship. They seem to really value the gift of coming together to worship God as a church body. We love those folks, and they were a great encouragement to us in many ways, but in particular in the matter of corporate worship.

We had come from a denomination where "grace abounded" in lazy church attendance. "Hey, I mean we are church going folks, so what is the big deal if we don't show up on Super Bowl Sunday? That doesn't really send a neon flashing message to my kids about what really matters to our family. I am not really saying that 'church attendance is important, so long as it doesn't conflict with something else.'" What is the big deal if we miss because we are tired or busy? What is the big deal if we go to another church when the time of the worship service at our home church conflicts with some family celebration or another?

In spending a lot of time in a church culture like that, here is a thought: as Jesus-loving, Christ-exalting, gospel-entranced Christians in America, we have the freedom and pleasure of worshiping with our church family on a weekly basis or sometimes even more often! That is a freedom and a privilege that many Christians around the world do not enjoy. And I dare say, they may not take it as lightly as we American Christians do, to our shame. We should absolutely have corporate worship as a very high priority. We ought to schedule our cultural or family celebrations AROUND our weekly corporate worship of God, and not the reverse. We can tend to think because we have a lot of good doctrine and a 'good' life, and a 'good' family and our kids go to a 'good' school that, "Who cares if we miss a week or two here or there? What does it matter? We are church going folks, so what if our family misses to make it to the extended family's hot dog roast on the 4th of July?" The problem is not the missing of a worship service, per se. Our salvation is all of grace and God isn't keeping tic marks in heaven to number our worship attendance. Rather, Scripture makes it clear that one can spend a lifetime attending church, yet be far from God (Matthew 7:23). However, the laissez faire attitude about corporate worship reveals the posture of our hearts before God. If we are casual about corporate worship, it may be an indicator that in our hearts we don't feel desperate for God. It may be evidence that we aren't in a Psalm 91-esque posture, where we are clinging to God for our very life. We may have the kind of attitude where we are pleased to take what we want from Him, and move on.

So, the encouragement is this: have a thankful heart for whatever church body the Lord has graciously placed you in. Value corporate worship. Thank God that you can worship with your church family without fear of persecution, that you can hear preaching of the Word every week. Praise Him for allowing you easy access to the Scriptures. Prepare your heart ahead of time, and go and expect wonderful things from God. Be refreshed in corporate worship. Set an example for generations that will follow behind you. Show up.

Posted by Kristen

Schedules That Serve Part 2

2011-06-13T17:05:00.000-07:00

The Opposite of Planning a Schedule That Serves – Laziness & Its Fruit: Death

A schedule should be fun, and freeing, not stress-inducing and demanding. It should be reassessed regularly, prayed over, talked about with a husband or godly friend. We should want to honor the Lord with our time and we should want that more than a mid-afternoon break or an orderly home. We sin with our time when we fail to recognize God’s ownership of it. Yes, laziness is at the heart of Fun-loving Type B-ers who just don’t feel like planning, but it is also at the heart of Scheduled Type A-ers disengaged with the people around them. Charles Spurgeon said, “It is easier to serve than to commune.” Oh how true that is. For many of us, taking the time to know someone, to truly understand and to walk through life with them is just too difficult so, we serve instead. We do what comes easiest to us. It may not look it on the outside, but that is also laziness. And Proverbs has much to say about laziness:

Proverbs 18:9: “Whoever is slack in his work is brother to him who destroys.”

Proverbs 15:19: “The way of the sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway.”

Matthew Henry said, “Those who have no heart to their work, pretend that they cannot do their work without hardship and danger. And thus, many live always in doubt about their state, because always in neglect of some duty.” Do you pretend you cannot do your God-given work of planning a schedule that serves “without hardship and danger”? Do you say things like, “well I just don’t think that would work”, “I don’t really see the point of all that” or “that’s just not the way I operate.” Whether you just don’t feel like planning or you love planning so much you won’t put it down for the people around you, your laziness indicates that your heart isn’t really in it. If your heart isn’t really in it, you can bet you are in “neglect of some duty.” If so, repentance is in order! It’s not ok to say, “Well, I’m just not good at planning.” Neither is it ok to say, “I’m just not a “people person.” So what? Today God has decided to make you a planning people person. His Word has commanded it so rather than walking around “doubting our state” we ought to pray for more heart to our work.

Let service to God and others be the reason you plan and let service to God and others be the reason you lay aside your plans when God has sovereignly ordained a better plan. “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps” Proverbs 16:9.

Planning – A Hiding from Danger

“The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” Proverbs 22:3

What is the danger for you? Where will be your temptation to sin tomorrow? Are you planning against it? Are you “hiding from danger” or are you walking straight into it and consequently, suffering for it? Maybe you work a 9 am- 5 pm and you dread the mornings because you know you’ll be running late as usual since it takes you a half an hour just to figure out what to wear. Hiding from danger might mean setting your clothes out the night before. Maybe you’re a mom with young children and you know that if you don’t shower, pray and read Scripture before those little alarm clocks come running into bed with you, you won’t be able to adequately serve them. Hiding from danger might mean setting your own alarm clock that you might welcome your kids in a more refreshed, prepared state. Maybe your child has a hard time in the grocery store. Hiding from danger might mean taking planned practice trips to the store simply to practice obedience in public. All of these scenarios do require planning. Not elaborate planning, but there ought to be thought and follow through. And the beautiful thing is your planning will be rewarded: “If you are wise you are wise for yourself; if you scoff you alone with bear it” Proverbs 9:12. Why suffer unnecessarily? Why feel repeated stress and discouragement over something for which God has given us a way out by planning schedules that serve?

What a loving God Who commands us to rule in the sphere He has us in and allows us to be creative by carefully planning schedules that serve. May we respond obediently “making the best use of the time” Ephesians 5:16 by being faithful to plan with hearts that are seeking to serve.

Posted by Erika

Schedules That Serve

2011-06-11T06:50:00.000-07:00

I love schedules. In fact, I struggle with loving them a little too much and you know, I don’t think I’m the only one out there…

As a young mom, I hear a lot about schedules: feeding schedules, sleeping schedules, teaching schedules, potty training schedules… If you’re not a mommy I’m sure you’ve heard about exercise schedules, devotional schedules, work schedules, cleaning schedules and so on… Women who desire to honor the Lord with their time will be planning and scheduling at least to some degree. Two godly and very fruitful women I admire, Carolyn Mahaney and Noel Piper, have addressed the need for scheduling in their writings to younger women. As Pastor Erik says, “If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.” We ought to have the kind of humility that is willing to emulate the faith of older godly men and women. More importantly, the book of Proverbs gives us insight as to how God views the issue of planning/scheduling:

“Desire without knowledge is not good and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” Proverbs 19:2

“Ponder the path of your feet, then all your ways will be sure.” Proverbs 4:26

Are You Sinning With Your Schedule?

Maybe you are quite skilled at creating schedules and implementing them well! To outsiders you may look very diligent and fruitful…but if the heart of your scheduling lacks service to the Lord and others, it is not Holy Spirit led and will be neither fruitful nor freeing as a schedule should be.

Here is an example – I once heard a Nancy Wilson quote that cut like a knife. She said, “The schedule is for the kids. The kids are not for the schedule.” At that moment I realized service had not been at the heart of my scheduling. Shamefully, naptime at our house had become more about mommy getting a break than it was about loving babies enough to ensure they were given proper rest. This led to all sorts of stress and disappointment (the result of sinning with my schedule) as I’m sure some of you mommies may have experienced.

There are many popular methods within Christendom to sleep-train and schedule feed your babies and young children. Sometimes I wonder about the intent behind them. If service to children and the Lord isn’t at the heart, we had better throw it out. If it doesn’t take into consideration the differences in emotional and physical needs between children, it is not serving them. If it is exasperating in it’s expectations (requiring a newborn to sleep through the night, or requiring a toddler to focus on something for an unreasonable amount of time) it is not serving them. If it becomes something you must have your children adapt to or you “just don’t know what you’ll do”… Or if it’s something you find yourself thinking, “They will get this down, so help me…” you know you are sacrificing your children on the altar of your idol – your schedule.

Creating a God-Honoring Schedule

Some of you, like me, may have a tendency towards an idolatrous, unholy reliance on schedules. Others of you may have an idolatrous, unholy reliance on the “freedom” of having no schedule. Both are sin because neither consider God’s wisdom. They allow only for personal preference, which a Christian ought not be basing their life upon!

Whatever our personality type: whether we are scheduled Type A-ers or fun-loving, social Type B-ers, there are two important principles here we would be wise to remember:

First off, it’s a biblical truth: Failing to plan really is planning to fail. There is much to plan for! Your personal fight against sin, your roles and responsibilities, the amount of time you devote to purposefully loving and surprising your family and friends… These things aren’t just going to take care of themselves. The God-given goals you have for yourself, your marriage, your children, your community…they need planning. They will not just happen, ask any older person around you and they will tell you the same thing!

Perhaps the trickiest thing for new mamas is planning in the area of time management. Getting the basics accomplished day to day is a huge feat in and of itself. Making sure their children (and themselves!) are clean, getting enough rest, eating nutritional meals, learning age appropriate skills…teaching, correcting, training in righteousness…. It takes a lot of time! I fear that for those of us who take no time to “ponder the path of our feet” our time will be wasted where it could have been very fruitful. For those of us who love our schedules and look to them for our confidence and strength, rather than to Christ, I fear we may be lacking discernment as to when it is necessary to drop the schedule in lieu of something of greater importance.

Some events in life we just can’t plan for. Interruptions such as sickness, family changes, the loss of a job….these things are usually not anticipated. But we would be remiss to allow the knowledge that God is ultimately in control of every area of our lives prevent us from planning well. In fact, the knowledge that God is sovereign and He promises that “the work of a man’s hand comes back to Him” Proverbs 12:14, should make us ever more mindful of our responsibility to plan. Fruit will come as result of planning and following through with a schedule that serves. That is motivating!

The second principle we can take in looking at our responsibility to plan is that we are to plan in submission to God’s Word. Meaning, before we even make a schedule, we must consider our season of life, looking to God’s Word for insight into our roles and responsibilities. The schedule we create must be in submission to Him. Carolyn Mahaney has a wonderful resource for planning a Seasons Retreat – a time to get away and evaluate where the Lord has you in life and to create a schedule that is fitting for the season. You can check it out here.

Tomorrow we will look at the opposite of planning schedules that serve – laziness and its fruit: death. In the meantime, be thinking about the way you spend your time, the routines and schedules you have set in place (or ought to have set in place). Examine your heart to see if service to the Lord and others is the intent behind your planning.

Posted by Erika

The Error in Expectation

2011-05-31T06:45:00.000-07:00

Expectation – the act or state of looking forward or anticipating

At left -Poor Emmett expecting his yogurt berry pop to defy the laws of gravity instead of falling into the grass below…which is exactly what it did!

Having wrong expectations is a common mistake. Some of us expect far too much from our spouse, our friend, our children, our church…ourselves. Others of us expect far too little. Worse, many of us have wrong expectations of God. Regardless of whether we are pessimists or optimists, wrong expectations are dangerous because they indicate either ignorance or unbelief of biblical truths.

No, the Bible doesn’t tell us when the water heater is going to break or when a friend is going to disappoint us or when Aunt Sally is going to come down with cancer but there are concrete truths we can bank on. And, if we do we’ll have a higher hope to cling to – an accurate expectation that will never disappoint.

Whether or not you are a believer, you can expect the following in your lifetime:

1. Trouble – Jesus said, “…In this world you will have trouble…” John 16:33. None of us can expect a smooth ride. All of us will have trials. All of us will be sinned against, hurt, rejected, disappointed. None of us are getting out of this thing unscathed.

2. Work – After God created the world, He told Adam and Eve in Genesis 1:28 to “rule” over the earth. Anyone who has had to pull a 9-5 day after day understands there’s no getting around the biblical mandate to work.

3. Common Grace – God’s gifts which are common to mankind. Things like sunshine, rain, government, health, food, falling in love, having a child, etc. – all of these are gifts most of us will experience in our lifetime.

If you are a believer you can expect the above with an added element that makes all the difference:

1. Trouble used for good – Romans 8:28 promises, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Yes, when someone we love dearly does something that brings us pain, it is used for our good. Yes, when our child gets sick with the flu and mama’s plans go out the window so she can nurture him back to health, it is God working for our good. When we lose our job, when we embarrass ourselves, when we are corrected by someone… All of our trouble is used for good. Yes, all of it. We can expect trouble but we can expect much good from it.

2. Work enabled by God Himself – Like unbelievers, we are given work to do. However, the work is fueled by Someone other than ourselves. a.) The work we have was prepared in advance by God specifically for us: Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” b.) We are enabled to do the work by the Holy Spirit. We do not rely on ourselves. 2 Corinthians 9:8 “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” c.) The work we’ve been given to do brings great glory and honor to God. Titus 2:14 “…Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.” We can expect to be used by God, to be enabled by God and to bring glory to God.

3. Saving Grace – Yes, we enjoy God’s common grace and we are thankful every day for the undeserved gifts of family, friends, food, laughter, green grass and yogurt berry pops, but we enjoy something else much much more. Our highest joy, encouragement, motivation, and pleasure is found in a Person. A Person whose story has become our own. The story that once we were like the Psalmist David: “a beast before God.” We were once haters of God and yet while we were still filthy in our sin, He humbled Himself by becoming one of us and dying to ransom us from the filth we belonged to. Now we cry out again with David and we say, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Ps. 73:25-26) We have trouble and we have work but we have something else…Jesus. Now, all the trouble and all the work looks “strangely dim” as an old hymn says in comparison to our Savior Jesus who has set upon us His saving grace. We can expect Jesus - His power, His love, His encouragement, His joy, His wisdom, His grace, His very being every moment of our lives here on earth.

Believer, do you see how foolish it is to have false expectations leading to unnecessary disappointment? We’ve been given something far greater than this world. We’ve been given the One Who made it. Romans 5:5 says that hope in Him will never disappoint. We believe that. May all our expectations be bound up in that “…blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ” Titus 2:13.

Posted by Erika

God's Glory in Election

2011-05-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

"Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies"

Romans 8:33

A treasure from John Bunyan:

" God has engaged himself, having chosen a people for himself, and secured them from all that any can do against them. Election is as eternal as God is, without variableness or shadow of change, and thus is called 'an eternal purpose', and it must stand (Eph. 3:11; Rom. 9:11). It is absolute and unconditional. No works were foreseen in us that were the cause of God's choosing us; and no sin in us shall frustrate or make election void. By the act of election, we are wrapped and covered in Christ; he has chosen us in him; not in ourselves, not in our virtues, no, not for or because of anything but his own will (Eph. 1:4-11). Election is the permanent resolution of God to glorify his mercy on the vessels of mercy he foreordained unto glory (Rom. 9:15, 18:23). By the act of electing love, it is concluded that all things whatsoever shall work together for good to those called according to the eternal purpose of God (Rom 8:28-30). The eternal inheritance is by a covenant of free and unchangeable grace signed over to those who are chosen. It secures them from the danger of sin, and from the malice of Satan. The covenant is sealed by the blood of our advocate the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the mediator of this covenant and the guarantee for us in the great day of judgment. We are safe and sound before the Father's face (Rom. 9:23; Heb. 7:22, 9:15. 7:24, 13:20; John 10:28-29). By God's choice, purpose, and decree, the elect have been allotted in Christ a sufficiency of grace to bring them through all difficulties to glory. Every one of them, after the first act of faith- which also they shall certainly attain- shall receive the earnest and firstfruits of the Spirit into their souls which is part of the promise."

Posted by Kristen

Veritas Women's Training Day - Summer 2011!

2011-05-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

We are very excited to announce Veritas Women's Training Day for Summer 2011!! Kristen will be teaching on "Proverbial Wisdom for Women." Marrieds, singles, friends, young and old...all women are encouraged to attend! Info is as follows:

When: Saturday, July 16, 2011
9:00 am - 9:30am Check in & Refreshments
9:30 am - 2:30 pm Conference (There will be a break for lunch.)

Where: The Historic Rock of Roseville Theatre, 202 Bonita Street, Roseville, CA 95678

Cost: $5 per person

*Please note no childcare will be provided for this event.

If you would like to pre-register, please sign up at the information table on Sunday. If you do not attend Veritas and would like to register for this event, email me at mattanderika05@gmail.com. We look forward to seeing you there!!

Posted by Erika

For the real grown-ups amongst us!

2011-05-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

For all you ladies out there who are grandmothers, or have adult children, here are some great articles for you that I happened upon this week:

Click here to read Nancy Wilson's article, "Calluses".

Click here to read Justin Taylor's blog with encouragement for 'older' women in churches.

Cheers!

Posted by Kristen

If it looks like a duck....

2011-05-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

Blaisey, Donald, Daisy: It rhymes!

Ok, this here is a post for all you OCD, workaholic, task oriented, perfectionistic, achievement driven ladies out there. If your struggle is laziness, or having a messy house because you play too much, or going to lunch with friends instead of attending to the work the Lord has given you to do: this post is not so much for you. We love you, and we have plenty of posts for you. But this one is aimed at the aforementioned task oriented ladies reading this.

I am uber-task oriented. Checking off things on my to-do list is absolutely invigorating for me. Being task oriented can have its advantages, as tasky gals tend to get lots done. The down side is that it is easy to ignore the people around you who just want a teensy bit of your time. I have four little people in my home, who all want lots of my time. And the reality is my little people are gonna grow up to be real big people who don't need my time so much anymore, so I had better take the opportunities I have to pour into them and teach them the gospel, NOW.

Jackson & the ducklings

That is where the ducks come in. I have a four year old little person (pictured, left) who came home from the farm store with his daddy and really wanted some of the fuzzy ducklings he had just met. I also have a couple school aged people who love animals. I knew they would be delighted if I had baby ducklings in the car with me when I picked them up from school. (And, I am usually the mom with nothing more exciting than some carrot sticks and apple slices...) This was a prime opportunity to make all my favorite people smile.

At 1 pm on a Monday: my kitchen was messy, I had a dinner to cook, and approximately 413 loads of laundry to wash. What was a mother to do, but abandon all of that, hop in the car with the kiddies and go get some ducklings! (After a quick stop at the Wal-Mart to pick up a plastic pool for the ducklings to swim in, of course!) Carpe Diem! Carpe Duck-em!

So, for the task-oriented, accomplishment worshiping woman out there: May the Lord give you opportunities this week to set down your tasks, engage with the people around you, and go chase some 'ducklings.'

Posted by Kristen

A Faithful Mother Who Can Find?

2011-05-14T08:53:00.000-07:00

“Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?”

Proverbs 20:6

Go grab a box of Kleenex. Now, sit down and read this story out of Paul Tripp’s book, “Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands.”

“She was an only child. Her mother had tried for fifteen years to get pregnant, only to endure a string of miscarriages. Finally at forty she got pregnant and didn’t miscarry. Her mother felt blessed, as if her life was about to begin. She chose a beautiful name, Grace, and waited in anxious expectation. Early one morning after twenty hours of tortuous labor, Grace was born. But her mother’s dream was not to be realized. Grace was fretful, sickly, demanding. There seemed to be few moments when she wasn’t crying. She had problems with her breathing and digestion. She seemed to contract every childhood illness. She didn’t sleep through the night for her entire infancy. Her mother was seldom able to take her out of the house. Grace’s mother thought she was the victim of a cruel fate. After all the years of waiting, she was left with a child who could barely live. Increasingly, the demands, cries, and constant work made her angry. She wondered why she had ever wanted a child. She remembered how easy life had been before. In subtle ways at first, her anger began to spill over toward Grace: a yank here, a little slap there. But the irritation eventually grew into full-blown rage. When she looked at her little girl, she saw someone who had robbed her of life. Grace began to listen to her mother’s footsteps so she could hide under the bed or in the closet. Her mother would then have to search for her, making her even angrier. In one of those angry encounters Grace’s leg was permanently injured.

By the time Grace was eight years old, her eyes had begun to fail as a result of repeated blows to her head. She could no longer see to read, yet she was afraid to let anyone know how bad her eyesight actually was. She thought she was fooling everyone, but she wasn’t. Just after her ninth birthday, Grace went to school for what she thought was a normal day. She was asked to leave her classroom and go to the office, where a lady she didn’t know stood with a suitcase full of Grace’s clothes. Without saying goodbye to her mother or her friends, she was transferred to a residential school for the blind where she would remain until she graduated from high school. Grace never lived at home again” (Instruments in the Redeemers Hands, Paul Tripp 141-142).

When you read that story, what do you think? What do you feel? Anger? Sadness? Compassion? Good. You should feel those things. What Grace’s mom did to her daughter is inexcusable. I couldn’t even type her story without crying my eyes out. Her sin stings in a uniquely damaging way because it was against a child – a helpless, needy, precious little child to whom Grace’s mom had been entrusted with by God Himself.

Now I want to ask you something else. Be honest. Does this story fill you up with pride? Do you find yourself thinking thoughts like this: “I hope that pathetic excuse of a woman rots in hell. I can’t imagine anyone ever dreaming of doing anything so disgusting to their own child. I could never be anyone like that. If she was here in this room, my hatred for her wouldn’t even allow me to look at her and I’d be tempted to seek restitution on Grace’s behalf!” You need to understand that although those thoughts may be natural to you, they are not gospel thoughts. That way of thinking is completely unbiblical and if allowed to remain unchecked will most definitely spill over into other areas of your life making you a proud, arrogant woman instead of a humble one who says about Grace’s mom, “There but for the grace of God go I.” Can you say that?

Perhaps you are a mother and could never dream of sinning against your child in such a way. Or perhaps you are a baby-sitter or a nursery worker and always do your best to ensure the children in your care are properly nurtured. Today I want to disturb you. I want to show you that regardless of the manifestation of it, your impatience, your frustration, your negligence, your laziness…all of those are the same sins which resided in Grace’s mom. Be disturbed by this: ALL OF US APART FROM JESUS ARE GRACE’S MOM.

Ever rolled your eyes at a child? Ever felt irritated that you had to find a sitter before going somewhere? Ever spoken to your child in a frustrated, angry tone? Ever complained about your child to someone else? Grace’s mom did too. That is where her sin started, not with her blatant child abuse. It started in her heart the moment she saw Grace as being anything other than a blessing. Meditating on that truth, do you still feel as though you can sit in judgment over Grace’s mom? Do you really think that apart from the grace of God restraining you, you could be anything other than Grace’s mom? ALL OF US APART FROM JESUS ARE GRACE’S MOM.

Thankfully, most of us reading this have never committed the grievous child abuse Grace’s mom did but I’m willing to bet that if you’ve ever been around a child for any length of time you’ve felt at least one of these emotions:

Annoyance

Impatience

Anger

Frustration

Laziness

Pride

Self-Righteousness

Can we all agree on that? Just there in the quiet of your own home, in your own heart before God. Do you see that you most definitely have struggled with these and that they are not what anyone would ever say a good mother should be? In fact, knowing people would judge you for admitting emotions such as these towards a child is probably the very reason mothers are slow to confess their sin and seek out help. Could that be the reason we secretly enjoy the opportunity to elevate ourselves above Grace’s mom and “proclaim our own steadfast love”? When in reality, we aren’t faithful mothers either – because the same sin that resided in Grace’s mom resides in us.

Have I disturbed you yet? I hope so. Why would I want to do a thing like that? Because mommy, I believe you are seeking to hide the root of your sin because you are ashamed. I believe you are “proclaiming your own steadfast love” because you know you aren’t faithful but perhaps you wish you could be. I want to offer you the only hope which exists for unfaithful mothers like you and I. The hope of the gospel. The hope of Jesus. Without Him, we are irritated, impatient, frustrated mothers whose good deeds even are selfishly motivated. We want our kids to act a certain way, look a certain way because we want them to reflect well on us. We want to get accolades and often, we care little of being faithful. Faithful to the God who gave us those kids. Faithful to the God who rescued us from being the full extent of Grace’s mom. Faithful to the God who promises to change us and make us faithful. Are you faithful in your mothering? Do you see your sin? Do you hate it? Do you see yourself in Grace’s mom? Do you run from your sin to the cross and find there that every bit of it has been paid for? Every rolling of the eyes, every irritated word, every impatient look? It was. There’s hope for you just as there is for Grace’s mom.

So, the next time your toddler spills cake batter from floor to ceiling or your newborn wants a snack and a snuggle for the 15^th time that night, or your child embarrasses you in front of a neighbor, see your impatience and think of Grace’s mom. Be horrified that you’ve experienced those same emotions and loathe your sin the moment it enters your heart.

If you are a mother and you’re scared to confess your sin for fear of judgment please don’t be. We’ve all felt those emotions and but for the grace of God, you and I are Grace’s mom also. Talk to your husband and a trusted Christian friend. Get help. There’s hope in Jesus and by His grace alone we really can be faithful mothers – slow to proclaim our own steadfast love but very, very quick to proclaim His.

Posted by Erika

Life in God's Ways: Part 2

2011-05-10T12:43:00.000-07:00

"Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things and give me life in your ways."

Psalm 119:37

Yesterday Kristen let us in on one of the most hope-instilling truths in all of Scripture: the truth that worthless things will never satisfy but there is eternal life, peace and joy to be found in God's ways. Today let's look at how we can take our eyes off "worthless things" and find "life in God's ways."

The Psalmist cries out for grace in two areas: grace to turn away from worthless things and grace to turn to things of worth - things of God. Repentance that lacks one of those two variables is not true repentance. Some of us have learned much of the "put-offs" of Scripture and are quick to agree that in our flesh, we are wretched, sinful and have many attitudes and behaviors to put off. But how quick are we to turn our eyes to the "put ons" of Scripture - those attributes which God has called His people to wear as image bearers of Him? Is it possible that at times our repentance consists only of a striving away from worthless things but not a striving to things of worth?

It is our duty and calling as a people belonging to a good and holy God that we would image Him well. If we are not turning our eyes to His attributes and seeking to put them on that we might display Him accurately to a hurting world, we will not have life in His ways. If our sadness over sin does not drive us to a greater love for Him, we will become depressed, thinking only of worthless things and not finding life in God's ways. God does not intend to make us sickened with our sin to leave us there alone. He intends to lift us up out of the filth that we would find life in His ways. We have every reason to be excited about pursuing what John Calvin described as "nothing more excellent at which we can aspire...our highest perfection and blessedness - to bear the image of God."

Let's look at the put ons of Scripture.

Ephesians 6

Truth

Righteousness

Readiness

Faith

Salvation

The word of God

Romans 13:12

The armor of light

Romans 13:14

The Lord Jesus Christ

Ephesians 4:24

The new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness

Colossians 3:10

The new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator

Colossians 3:12

Compassionate hearts

Kindness

Humility

Meekness

Patience

Colossians 3:14

Love

May this list excite our hearts and minds as we daily turn our eyes from worthless things and find life in God's ways!

Posted by Erika

Life in God's Ways

2011-05-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

"Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." Ps 119:37

The strong natural inclination of every woman's heart is toward many a worthless, worldly diversion. Fashion magazines? Dreaming of remodeling your home? Fantasizing about losing the baby weight? An hour spent deciding what to wear? Blaise Pascal, a Christian philosopher, mathematician (and my 4th son's namesake) said that we would be "wise to cease from our worldly diversions, and sit and meditate upon our misery. For in this, we'd be driven to Christ."

Everything in this world, save our immortal souls is in a state of decay. The tie-dye maxi dress that is so very in style now, will be so very out of style two years from now. The brand new car with the great smell, and newest technology will be outdated and rather unexciting in the very near future. The magazines that show pictures of your dream house are foolish meditations on more earthly worthlessness, ever beckoning you to do all you can to build your heaven here on earth.

Somehow, I ended up with a free subscription to InStyle magazine. Each month, women pay to read thru nearly 300 pages of worthless things. In spending our precious time soaking in the latest celebrity news, latest clothing, and newest jewelry, we are led to covet and waste our hearts, time and wealth on all manners of nonsense. Christian women ought to guard their hearts from becoming engrossed in all of the things the world says are "must haves." We are so prone to covetousness, and many magazines serve as nothing more than distractions from Christ and lists that ought to be titled "Things to covet right now", or "1001 reasons to be discontent with what you currently have," or "Why your house is lame and you need a better one," "Too bad your worthless husband doesn't make enough money for you to have..." Take your pick.

Richard Baxter, a 17th century pastor, gave this commentary on women and their propensity to focus on many varieties of meaningless nonsense. "...But to be proud of fashions and fine clothes...of sumptuous entertainments and neat rooms is to be proud of your shame and not your virtue; it is to be proud of things which are not commendable. The cost, time (oh precious time!) that they lay out upon their dressings, entertainments and other curiosities will be the shame and sorrow of their souls, whenever God shall open their eyes and make them know what time was worth and what greater matters they had to mind" (Richard Baxter; The Godly Home).

So, as Christian women, how do we avoid this miserable hamster wheel kind of existence? How do we have life in God's ways and rise above the muck and mire of the latest trends, hobbies, fashions, reality tv shows, etc.? The Psalmist asks God to turn his eyes from looking at worthless things, so that he may have life in God's ways. It seems we can't have it both ways. We can't continue to focus our eyes on worthless things and also have life in God. We must choose. We can't trade our devotional time for a decorating magazine and expect it to lead to peace and godliness.

William Gurnall wrote, "One of the prime acts of faith is to cast your soul on God as all-sufficient to make you completely happy." We have to believe that God is all we need in this life, and the next, to be truly and fully happy. Fullness of joy is found in Christ. Deep satisfaction is in God alone. True peace is only to be had from the Creator. Our daily goal must be to cast ourselves wholly on Him who is everything we need. The devil may well be content for you to avoid the so-called "big sins" so long as you are distracted with all the glitters the world has to offer. If after decorating your home, chatting away the afternoon with girlfriends, and spending hours watching tv, no time or mental energy is left for pursuing holiness and a deep communion with Christ: Satan's purposes may well be accomplished in your life.

More to come tomorrow from Erika about how we as women, can have "life in God's ways"...

Posted by Kristen

And the winner is....

2011-05-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

#5, Sarah Lemons!

I happen to know her favorite nail salon.
You'll have a gift certificate within the week, Sarah!

A Mother's Day Tribute & Give-away

2011-05-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is coming up this Sunday. In some way, at some time, all of us have been blessed by a special woman in our life. This may have been a mother, or someone who loved us in a motherly way. So, in honor of the upcoming holiday, with thanks in our hearts to God for mothers, go ahead and share in the comments section a Mother's Day remembrance. Maybe you recently lost your mom, and have a special memory of her you want to share. Maybe you are a mom, or an aunt, or a grandmother and you have a funny kid story to share. Maybe you and your mom have a special tradition you want to tell us about. Let's thank God for mothers and encourage one another. Share away! And, since it has been awhile since we had a give-away: we will have a drawing for a gift certificate to get a pedicure at my fave nail salon! We'll let random.org choose on Mother's Day.

I'll start with a funny kid story.

I think a few husbands out there could learn a thing or two from my 8 year old.
Payton came to me yesterday, out of the blue and said, "Mommy, when I was in your bathroom, I saw your jewelry and I thought of how beautiful you are when you wear your necklaces. Then, I thought of how beautiful you are even when you don't wear your jewelry." Then, he hugged me and walked away. Not even a request for ice cream following that speech!

Posted by Kristen

The Mercy of God

2011-04-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

As we head into the Easter weekend, there are so many wonderful things about Jesus to meditate on. Here is a beautiful thought on God's mercy from David Clarkson.

"When you are surrounded with troubles and dangers, there is the power of God to rely on. Let faith support you; trust in God's omnipotence, as Paul: 'I can do all things through him who strengthens me.' Are you called to grievous sufferings? Imitate the three children: 'Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us.' Like Abraham, believe he is able (Rom 4:21). Stay yourself on God's power. Consider also God's mercy. There is no condition so low but mercy can reach it; none so bad, but mercy can better it; none so bitter, but mercy can sweeten it; and none so hopeless, but mercy can encourage it. Mercy bears our faith when nothing else can. If we had a friend who can help us with ease, without trouble or expense, with the turning of a hand, it is no hard matter to believe he will do it. So with God. And can we doubt that the Lord will do it? He delights to show mercy (Jer. 9:24). He is omnipotent and omniscient. Compare the attributes of God with what men and women usually trust. They trust in riches, strength, and princes. Riches are uncertain, unsatisfying, insufficient, limited and deceitful. God is unchangeable, satisfying, all sufficient, and faithful. Strength is vain. God is omnipotent. Princes are trembling, broken reeds. God is the Rock of Ages. Will men trust in a spider's web, in a shadow, in a lie, and in nothing? Is it not reasonable to trust in the Lord? Use God's attributes to strengthen faith. I am sinful, but God is merciful. I am unfaithful, but he is faithful. I am unworthy, but he is gracious. I abused patience, but he is love. Fix on the attribute of God that most suits your condition. In him, there is more than we need, more than we desire, more that we can imagine. Infinitely more!"

Those truths were demonstrated in all of their fullness on the cross when Jesus became sin for us. Be encouraged by the power, humility, love and mercy of your God today!

Posted by Kristen

E.R. Graces

2011-04-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

We have made our fair share of trips to the emergency room lately. This past month we paid a visit to the kind folks at the ER to get my four year old's head stapled back together. Sounds a little gruesome, but they did the job of sealing up the wound very nicely. Making a visit to the doctor or emergency room can tempt us to complain. I was tempted. Hear me: real tempted. After all, getting necessary medical care can be very expensive, particularly for those who may not have insurance or may have a high deductible for care. It can take a lot of time, and injuries always seem to happen at the most inconvenient of times. However, amidst some of the difficulties of making a non-emergency type trip to the emergency room, there are also many graces and things to be thankful for. Some of these came to mind while my little brave one and I sat and read stories while we waited, and some occurred to me later on. Certainly if your trip to the hospital is for very serious reasons, these aren't going to be the kinds of things on your mind, and that is ok! But, if you need to make a trip any time soon for a fairly routine problem, as many of us do, here are some things to lift your mind above the troubles of the moment.

1. We can be thankful that we are there for a few stitches or staples, or a broken arm, and not for a life-threatening illness.

2. A trip to the ER can remind us to pray diligently for folks who are in the hospital for much more serious reasons, like childhood cancer, or debilitating long term illness.

3. We can be thankful for the provision of funds to be able to pay the necessary fees.

4. We can be grateful that in our country we have such easy access to hospitals. I only drove 15 minutes to get to mine.

5. I have always had a soft spot for doctors and nurses. Many times, we have received exceptional care from very compassionate and competent medical professionals. We can be thankful that God in his mercy and common grace has gifted many people with amazing skills and abilities to care for those who are injured or sick. When the doctor was stapling my son's head back together, I couldn't help but think that there are many in the world (self included) that just could not or would not be able to manage that feat.

6. Though there are problems with our health care system in America, even the poorest among us can get vaccines, emergency care, etc. We have programs like WIC to help provide women and infants with nutritious quality food. Those are graces that many in our world don't enjoy. It should prompt us to pray in thankfulness for God's amazing provision. It should also prompt us to pray for others who don't enjoy such privileges: we ought to pray for wisdom as to how we, as American Christians, can help.

7. A minor bout of suffering can make us treasure our loved ones more, and prompt us to thank God for giving them as gifts to us. How many times have I thanked God that Blaise's trip to the ER after a seizure had such a sweet ending to it? I couldn't put him down for days after that experience. And, the best part about Blaise isn't even Blaise. Blaise is my blessing, but the best thing is the One who blessed me with him: Jesus.

8. Never forget that all trips to the E.R. are for our good. Romans 8:28 promises it. Somehow amidst the tears and trouble and cost and suffering, your Creator is working for your good. That is a blessed comfort.

All that said, I am hoping all of us stay out of the E.R...at least for a little while.

Posted by Kristen

Thursday Encouragement

2011-04-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

This is a writing from the great puritan (and my 4th son's namesake), John Owen. I hope it brings encouragement to you in your walk with God and battle against sin today.

"Be alert that you might discover temptation early. Most men (women) do not perceive their enemy until they have been wounded. Yes, and others are engaged in temptation unaware. They are asleep without a sense of danger until others awaken them because their house is on fire. Few take notice of temptation until it is too late, and find themselves entangled. Be careful, then, to watch for and seek to understand early the snares that are laid for you, and to understand the advantage your enemy might have against you, before he gains strength and casts concentrated poison into your soul. Two things actively unite in temptation: Satan and lust. Our lust rises with purpose to express itself in the extreme. Every expression of it would be a mortal enemy. Hate it; it is the greatest enemy you have. O that it were killed and destroyed! O that I were delivered out of its power! Satan does not have a friendly intention towards you any more than your lust... When Satan tempts you to break the law he also seeks to divert you away from the gospel itself. He uses sin as a bridge to worse ground, to assault your interest in Christ. He will say today, 'You may venture on in sin because you have an interest in Christ', but tomorrow he will tell you that you have no interest in Christ because of your sin. Meet your temptation in its entrance with the thoughts of faith concerning Christ on the cross; this will make it sink before you. Entertain no parley with sin. Say, 'It is Christ that died- that died for sins such as these!'"

Posted by Kristen

Praising Myself in the Gates?

2011-04-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

“Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.” Proverbs 31:31

Wisdom can present itself in unlikely places. Even from the unsaved comedian I recently watched with my husband on television. Admittedly, the man was angry, bitter and had no experience raising children whatsoever, but I learned a lesson. He was poking fun at stay-at-home moms, observing how much we love to pat ourselves on the back. Specifically, he mentioned Oprah and how often she will introduce a woman on her show as having “the hardest job in the world…the job of a mother.” He said that moms will constantly speak of how tough they have it. Making houses out of popsicle sticks, bending over to put in a dvd (the man obviously didn’t understand motherhood requires a little more than that)… Nevertheless, it got me thinking. How often do we as mothers tell ourselves and others how hard we work, how bad we have it, essentially…how great we are for all the work we do? How often do we in our thoughts and deeds praise ourselves in the gates? Whether it be to a friend, husband, mother, facebook… Is the general attitude we possess one of thankfulness for our God-given role as a mom or is it one of martyrdom?

A martyrdom attitude (constantly seeking praise for oneself) will rob you in the end.  It will rob you of a genuine, godly, grace-driven pursuit of holiness. You’ll get so puffed up, so sure of yourself, so proud that you changed 15 diapers in one day and took care of sick kids while you were sick yourself, you’ll stop fighting. You’ll stop seeing and fighting your sin because, “Hey, look at all the good stuff I do!” You won’t run the race to win it as Scripture says you ought to: 1 Corinthians 9:24, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize. Run in such a way that you may win." You’ll get lazy because, “Look I have little kids! How could I ever be lazy?  Why, do you have any idea of everything I do in a day?!”

Let's face it, being a mom is tough. And it certainly helps to have another mom in your life with whom you can relate, someone who will point you to Jesus when you are discouraged. But you know, being a mom is also one of the highest privileges a woman can possess. On some days we might not see it that way, but Psalm 127:3 says, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” If our attitude is one of thankfulness to God, we won’t have any room for pride or thoughts of how bad we have it.

I’m not saying women ought to be fake. Motherhood is hard work.  But let's not act like it's the only hard work. There are tough things about being a dad. There are tough things about being a child. There are tough things about being single. We live in a sin-cursed world. None of us have it easy. But, knowing what we have been saved from and knowing Who we have been saved to, how can we boast? Sad that for this comedian, most women he knows raising the next generation brag about what hard workers they are. All we are in and of ourselves, are unfaithful, undeserving, unbelieving…and yet God loved us, rescued us and uses us to do the same with precious children who trust us, looking to us for guidance, nurture and love. We should feel tremendously honored to serve a family, to influence little children from their first breath, to be the one who they call “Mama,” to encourage them when they are down, to instruct them, to show them Jesus every day. Those things are undeserved privileges. We are foolish to focus on how tough we have it when God has laid these marvelous blessings before us. It should humble us to think of the honor and influence we hold as a mother.

Another thing I learned from that angry, bitter comedian…true praise doesn’t come from self. When I praise myself, I am to put it in Paul Tripp’s words a “glory thief.” I’m saying to my husband, friend, mother, child, “Look at me! I’m hardworking! I’m self-sacrificial! I could have done this and that. I could have been in this career or that and yet here I am with all my knowledge and skill serving children!” When we think that way we are not doing our family good. (Proverbs 31:12 says, "She does him good, and not harm all the days of her life.") We are only seeking good for ourselves. That attitude is ungodly and well, to be frank, it’s quite unattractive. Why? Because it robs God from the glory due Him alone. Thoughts and statements like that will result in a family with a self-righteous mama. That’s nothing for a family to be thankful for! That’s nothing for them to praise you for! Remember Proverbs 31:31 says it’s our “works” that praise us in the gates.   The proof is in the pudding, mom. After you pour into your children for years and years, after you spend countless hours and weeks and months longsuffering, praying, serving and loving, after your children grow up into adults who love Jesus above all else…that’s when they’ll praise you in the gates! Don’t expect any accolades from your 2 year old. And don’t expect honor before humility. Proverbs 18:12 says the opposite: “…humility comes before honor.”

A heart praising itself is a discontented heart. It is desiring fruit without being willing to patiently wait and work for it. Fruit comes in season. Speaking of the man (or woman) who meditates on the law of God day and night, Psalm 1:3 says this person will be, “like a tree planted by streams of water, that yields its fruit in it’s season.” Do you ever think thoughts like: "Why doesn’t my husband see how much I do for him? Why aren’t my kids more thankful for all my work?" If so, you need a massive heart change (as I often do). Fruit comes in season! Work precedes godly, thankful marriages. Work precedes godly, thankful children. Work precedes godly, thankful friendships. Don’t look at the couple who have been married 20 years and feel jealous. You have no idea the work it took to get there. Don’t look at a mom who raised 11 children who love Jesus (Sarah Edwards) and feel jealous. You have no idea the tears she shed, the late nights, the complete dependence on the Lord it took. Don’t look at a sweet 30 year friendship and feel jealous. It took years of work learning about each other, how to forgive and how to love like Jesus. Don’t be looking for fruit out of season. Instead, let this “cloud of witnesses” so motivate you that one day after much plowing, planting, and watering you will have a real harvest! One that is so apparent you won’t need to point it out to others. But in the meantime, amidst the constant sowing, be encouraged and know that Someone does see every mess you clean up, every ounce of patience and kindness you show your children, every meal you make with love for your family, every time you die to self and live for Jesus instead… Know that if you are in Christ, your praise is “…not from man, but from God” Romans 2:29. And that dear friends, is the only praise that will matter in the end.

Posted by Erika

Only because you asked…let’s talk politics.

2011-03-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.”

2 Timothy 2:23

Growing up in comfortably religious suburbia I was a self-proclaimed good, Christian, Republican girl. For me (and many others in suburbia) to be Christian was to be Republican. If you were a Democrat well…you must be an atheist or hold to some sort of crazy non-traditional beliefs. In my naïve, unregenerated mind, I just couldn’t see it any other way. I looooved politics!!! I was ecstatic to attend the Republican National Convention one year and shake the hands of several well-known legislators. (Dorky I know. You can make fun of me. I was homeschooled – what can I say?) For me, politics was pure fun! Two summers in high school I attended a camp encouraging teens to strive for careers in government. What a sense of pride it gave me! I came back feeling like I was on the winning team! (Don’t get me wrong – there were many wonderful things about the camp. But, as time would tell, unfortunately it attracted some teens, including myself, who just loved politics…not Jesus.) I regularly listened to many popular (and angry!) Republican radio talk show hosts. They would even throw in a Bible verse here and there so I could feel spiritual at the same time! I would get hyped up on all the evil “out there” but, as Pastor Erik continually warns against, I was totally blind to all the evil “in here,” in my own wicked heart. Thankfully, God saved me out of my good girl, Republican religion and gave me saving faith in Jesus when I was 22. And you know, the less I treasured politics, the more I began to treasure Jesus. And the more I saw Jesus rightly, the more I saw politics rightly.

What an honor to be part of a democracy! We are so so so very blessed. We get to vote however seems right to us or we can even choose not to vote. We can listen to the ins and outs of current going-ons in our government and spend hours making judgment calls in the privacy of our own homes! We can choose to disagree with those in authority over us and not go to jail! In America, we are blessed beyond belief.

Sadly though, when Christianity allies itself with a political party and they become one entity in the minds of many Americans, the results are of eternal detriment and danger. Yes, it really is that big a deal. Why? I’m glad you asked. Here are 5 reasons Christian women ought to be very wary of feeding hungry souls with politics instead of Jesus:

1. It gives the unbeliever a false sense of eternal security. This is what happened with me. In an attempt to justify myself I would think: “Well, I’m a Republican aren’t I? I believe in prayer in schools don’t I? I hate abortion. I voted for Bush and he says he’s a Christian so I must be a Christian too!” Isaiah 64:6 calls all of our righteous deeds “filthy rags.” And that is what all of that was. None of that means anything. None of that is salvific. It’s all about me and my own attempts to be righteous without the work of Christ. If I’m trusting in any of that I have no reason to believe I am in Christ.

2. It gives people an organization to be devoted to, a “family,” a standard of behavior, an acceptance by outwardly moral people causing the unbeliever never to feel his need of a Savior. If you motivate someone to find their identity in a ‘cause’ you will push them further away from the source of their true identity, which can only be found in their Creator.

3. It warps the focus of our hope, which is to be Christ alone. When we have an obsession with anything of this world, including politics, we become slaves to it. We will look to it to fulfill us, to rid us of our deepest fears, to soothe us, to make ourselves feel good. For the Christian, when you are looking to the next amendment, the next Supreme Court ruling, the next presidential election for hope to go on, you are exchanging Jesus for something else…nasty, corrupt ol’ politics.

4. It causes unnecessary division within the Church. I want to let you in on a little secret. You can be a disciple of Jesus and a Democrat at the same time. It really is possible. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. You can also be a Republican, and one of the most, vile, self-centered wicked people on this planet. Both are true. Scripture teaches us to respect authority, to defend the rights of the poor and needy, to love justice, to hate what God hates, to trust Him when He says He is the One Who raises up leaders (“He changes the times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings…” Daniel 2:21). It doesn’t tell us which political party to choose. It may not tell us how to vote on that next controversial proposition. We have principles in Scripture from which we may prayerfully assess how the Lord would have us use our vote and influence. If we are married, we have the leadership of our husbands. We have the Holy Spirit. If we are not willing to be content with that and to have some humility, we will begin to hate our very own brothers and sisters in Christ simply because they voted differently. God hates that. (He hates “one who sows discord among brothers” Proverbs 6:19.)

5. It gives us a horrible reputation with outsiders. Let’s be real here. Everything in this world is sin-cursed, fall-affected, corrupt… Yes, even the Republican Party. The world gets that, but often times we Christians just don’t. The world clearly sees our blemishes, our blind spots, the stuff we are totally ignorant of. They see us acting as though everything in an organization is pure and right even though it’s plain as day it’s just not. Every time a conservative Senator, pastor, their own dad, etc. gets caught in a gross, unrepentant sin they are reminded of it. Don’t ally yourself with anything other than Jesus. And please don’t tell others to either. Jesus is true and glorious and wise and pure and self-sacrificing and just and infinite and many, many other things that politics will never be.

Redeem politics. Pray for those the Lord calls to serve Him on Capitol Hill. Vote, defend the rights of the poor and needy, stay up on current events for the purpose of prayer and witness. But don’t have an allegiance to a political party that provokes you to wrath when challenged. It should devastate us to know that most Americans see us Christians as just a bunch of angry conservatives, convinced we have it all figured out.

Cling to Jesus, hold tightly to Him and only Him. He’ll give you wisdom and strength to use your influence in a much greater way than just with a ballot. He’ll use you to transform hearts until politics are just a bad memory from the past. One day that’s all they’ll be anyway. Are you living today in that truth or are you treasuring politics over Jesus? What a sorry exchange indeed!

Posted by Erika

Friendship: Titus 2 Style

2011-03-09T06:16:00.000-08:00

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

Titus 2:3-5

When I saw the response on the giveaway blog requesting to hear more about Titus 2 friendships in the church, I was thrilled! To share something with you that has been of indescribable value in my life is nothing short of a tremendous HONOR. So, thank you for the honor. I accept.

In my pre-Christ days (shudder), I was part of a college sorority for a short time. There was a tradition in which we would pair an older girl (someone who was established in the sorority – the “big sis”) with a newcomer (the “lil sis”). This would offer protection, someone to “show you the ropes” and support. Interesting to note that even the world can see the wisdom of pairing up older and younger women for the purpose of instilling a value set, loyalty, and camaraderie…

Some women feel these types of friendships just aren’t for them. I believe they are sadly mistaken. Titus 2:3-5 very clearly shows a model for proper, Christ-honoring friendships in the church. We would be wise to heed it.

I can tell you from personal experience what a Titus 2 friendship can do for you:

1. It can instill a greater love for Jesus and a greater treasuring of the Scriptures.

2. It can motivate you to see sin you didn’t before, and can be used by the Holy Spirit to empower you with the necessary tools to mortify that sin.

3. It can actually fill you with self-sacrificial, Christ-like love for your husband and children leading you to build your home.

4. It can instill deep gratitude to the Lord resulting in effervescent joy, drawing others to Christ.

These benefits are the same for younger women and older women. Titus 2 friendships are good for our souls – whether we are on the receiving end of the friendship or the extending end.

In our unwisely transparent, anything goes, no respect for authority culture, I think Titus 2 friendships are sometimes misunderstood in the church. Based on the text, we can infer the following: A Titus 2 friendship is innately purposeful. It is not a way to “kill time.” It is not a popularity contest. A Titus 2 friendship is a God-honoring, God-focused friendship for which you must have the following:

1. Humility – If you come to a Titus 2 friendship believing you need not ask any questions, need not soak up any wisdom, need not emulate any fruitful life patterns you see, you will not have a true, biblical Titus 2 friendship. What you will have is a mentor chasing around a mentee, begging her to see her need of some help.

2. Passion for wisdom – If you don’t have a passion to learn (i.e. your passion is only to gab) you will not have a fruitful Titus 2 friendship. Instead, you will have a bunch of sin to repent of (gossip) and a hard habit to break (talking too much).

3. Oneness with your husband – If you are married to a believer, and you are talking with a woman he would rather you didn’t, you will not have a fruitful Titus 2 friendship. His opinion on this is protection for you. (Not to mention your Titus 2 friend ought to be telling you to love and submit to your husband, which might mean not talking to her!)

Obviously, the three requirements I listed above are God-given graces and nothing we gain on our own. However, if your friendships lack these qualities then look to Titus 2 to learn the biblical prescription for friendships.

You gotta admit…older women do know stuff. They know stuff you don’t. They know how to change diapers, how to lovingly confront a husband in sin, how to choose friends wisely, how to discipline a toddler, how to budget, how to choose a new set of pans, how to be kind to in-laws, how to fight through impatience, loneliness, hormones, grief and sleep-deprivation. They know how to garden, how to sell a house, how to get grass stains out and which double stroller to buy. They know which parks are safest and how to pray. They know how to cook (oh boy do they know how to cook!). They know how to throw a party, how to bandage a scuffed knee and what expectations are reasonable for family devotions. They know how to pick a college, how to prepare for marriage and how to plan a wedding. They know the curse, its affect on women and they are well familiar with a woman’s struggle to fight her sin. Whew…. They know a lot….and they know a lot more than that.

Some women are older in age. Simply through life experience, they know things others don't. Some women are older in the faith. Think of gals who are only a couple years older than you, the same age or even younger than you but who have known Jesus longer and attained a maturity in their walk you have not. In either case, these women understand truths about things we just don’t. That’s ok! In fact, it’s way better than “ok”…it’s fantastically awesome!!!! How kind is God to give us women who know more of Him and the world He made than we do!? How tangible the wisdom given from an older woman. How practical in its daily application! How palatable to us when God makes us to crave that wisdom and then brings it to us in such lovely form!

Maybe you are someone who believes you have a Titus 2 friendship but you are discontent in it. Impossible. You must not have one then. There is one other possibility though… You might have a Titus 2 friendship complex. (Ya, I made that up. It’s real scientific sounding, I know.)

Proverbs 28:23 says, “Whoever rebukes a man, will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.” Here’s the deal. Older women in the faith don’t flatter. They see a younger woman walking head on into sin and they call her on it. Why? Because they love her. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend (emphasis mine)" Proverbs 27:6a. Do you see them as faithful or do you hate them? It will be one or the other and the answer to that question will reveal a lot about your spiritual state. Proverbs 9:8, “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, Reprove a wise man and he will love you.” The fear of the Lord leads us to wisdom. If you don’t love wise reproofs, you don’t fear God as you should.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am not pretending as though I have responded perfectly to every bit of wisdom handed down to me by a godly friend. My flesh does not put up an easy fight, so certainly any rebuke or criticism stings at first. But you know what? Those moments have convinced me of a greater love. A love that speaks truth and demonstrates it. A love that doesn’t threaten to leave if I don’t get it right away. A patient, kind, godly love that leads me to repentance. How beautiful is a Titus 2 friendship and how much more satisfying than the world’s version!

If you long for this kind of relationship with an older woman in the faith, don’t wait for it to come to you. Do something. Pray. I prayed for over a year before the Lord brought me a faithful Titus 2 friend. God loves you. He knows what is best for you and He wants you to lift that care in your heart to Him, repeatedly. Next, look around. Are there any older women modeling good works? Is there a woman who loves her husband and her children well? Pursue them. Be patient. Send a note. Ask for some time together. Mark Driscoll makes it real simple, “Find someone and tell them, ‘Hey, you have some wisdom and I have a little humility.’ Can I learn from you?” (Obviously, humble people don’t call themselves humble so don’t say that part unless you want to get your first dose of rebuke… Clearly, he was making a deeper point.)

That is the spirit of a Titus 2 friendship. I sincerely pray every young woman who in true humility and passion for wisdom desires a friendship like this would be given one. You can’t imagine the mighty things that come as a result. “Iron sharpens iron and one man sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17. We all need sharpening. Now go do what reformed girls do: repent and redeem, hold your friendships up to Titus 2 and walk in faith and wisdom.

Posted by Erika

Everyday Evangelism

2011-03-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

“…Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” 2 Corinthians 5:18-20

Erika and I both chimed in on Renee's winning question!

Erika said:

What a wonderful question! In modern day Christendom, evangelism to unbelieving friends and relatives often goes overlooked. We tend to view evangelism as something that happens “out there”… We are big on “missions trips” and the like. Nothing wrong with any of that, but the sad thing is there has been an undervaluing of this kind of a question…. How do I evangelize my unbelieving friends and relatives? We are talking about people you can influence over a lifetime! How exciting!!!!!

I have made tremendously embarrassing mistakes when it comes to this. Maybe some of you have made these as well:

- Expecting my non-believing family and friends to act like Christians and being upset when they don’t. I have no right to do that according to 1 Corinthians 5:12, “For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge (emphasis mine)."

- Declaring the gospel but neglecting to demonstrate it. This is so lame. If I don’t have loving, tangible works to back up my words, I just shouldn’t speak. The book of James speaks strongly about that.

- Not relying on the Holy Spirit to lead me. I have relied on my own ability to speak truth and essentially to save people, but the truth is I can’t save anyone! Last time I checked Jonah 2:9 still says, “Salvation belongs to the Lord!”

If you have made some of these mistakes (i.e. you spoke harshly from an unloving place, you’ve failed to love and serve in conjunction with speaking truth, etc.) you must repent. Go to the people you’ve sinned against and ask for their forgiveness. In doing this, you will display the gospel in a way, chances are, they have never witnessed. Asking for forgiveness (admittance of sin) is evangelism!

When it comes to the day-to-day grind, abide in Jesus. John 15:5 promises us that this is the way to “bear much fruit.” Jesus declared and demonstrated the truth of the gospel with every breath, every word and every deed. The more we see and treasure Him, the more He will make us like Him. He will present countless opportunities for evangelism! That is His heart!

Scripture says we are ambassadors for God. We are either good ambassadors or bad ambassadors. Every single thing we do and say repels people from the gospel or attracts them to it. The way we eat our lunch at work, the way we answer the phone, the way we speak to those in authority over us, our fullness of joy or lack thereof, our generosity or our selfishness, our embarrassment of the gospel or our confidence in it…. All of these things are part of our personal evangelism. People are watching…

In C.J. Mahaney’s book “Humility," he tells a story about an unexpected opportunity for evangelism. He said a man was observing his family on an outing. The man approached him and asked how he and his family manage to have such joy together. He had never seen a family behave with such kindness and consideration. C.J. took the opportunity to share the gospel with him. The Mahaneys had been shining as lights for the world to see! They didn’t set aside that outing as “evangelism time.” They just lived and breathed the gospel as they strive to do always. How encouraging!!

In your evangelism, remember: we can’t save people. Our snazzy gospel presentations can’t save people. Jesus alone saves people. What a wonderful thing to desire to image Jesus in every way that He might save more unto Himself. Love, serve, longsuffer, pray, forgive, trust, hope, wait, speak and do that over and over and over until you go to be with Him. God will miraculously use it all to bring people to Himself.

Kristen said:

When it comes to evangelism with close friends and family, one of your goals should be to avoid being 90% crazy and only 10% Christian. In our zeal for seeing our loved ones come to Christ, it is easy to abandon being Christian and take on being crazy. This craziness usually stems from a misunderstanding that Erika addressed: if anyone is to be saved, it must be the Savior who does the saving. Most craziness in evangelism comes from relying too much on our own snappy efforts. We must lean into the wholly sufficient effort of Christ.

Here are some thoughts that may help us all to avoid evangelism craziness:

1) Love and serve them, and love them, and serve them, over and over and over.

2) Overlook offenses. Strive to exemplify the patience of Christ. Remember how patient God was (and is) with you.

3) Be a good missionary: speak their language. Find out what they are into, and if it doesn't violate Scripture, be "into it" as well. Learn about their interest so that you can talk to them about it. Ask them questions about themselves and their interests, and really, truly, listen.

4) Don't give them Christian books if they don't ask for them. I have seen Christians do this over and over, and believe me, your non Christian friends and relatives are irked and annoyed by it. When it comes to a gift, it is meant to be something that will be special to the person to whom it is given. Use gift giving as an opportunity to serve and love them and show that you really know them. Someone who is not yet a Christian will likely not appreciate a book on biblical femininity. If they ask for a book on said topic, by all means: give it. Otherwise, if your unsaved brother loves Harley motorcycles, then give him a gift card to the Harley store, not a copy of Grudem's "Systematic Theology." If your unsaved sister loves Pottery Barn, get her a frame or a candle, not "Womanly Dominion."

5) Pray for them, all the time. Tell them you are praying for them. Most in our "Oprah-fied" culture (thanks to Douglas Wilson for that helpful term) will be thankful to have someone praying for them, just in case God exists.

6) Look for inroads for the gospel and share it every chance you get. Share the gospel with your loved ones in 100 different ways. When your friend's fiance breaks up with her and she says she'll never be happy again, tell her you are praying to the God Who is in control of her future. When your brother gets hurt in a motorcycle crash, tell him you are thankful to God Who protected him from dying. I find that in most conversations, there are countless ways to share "the reason for the hope you have" (1 Peter 3:15). When a child gets excited about pretty flowers growing on the side of the road, tell her about the Creator of the flowers. When your sister shares a hurt or disappointment, look for a moment to tell her of One who loves her and will never disappoint.

7) Be careful of "prescribed, step by step" methods to evangelism. I have seen people throw money on the ground and then yell some version of the gospel at the unlucky person who picks it up. I have seen people ask leading questions and then shame the unfortunate person who answers and proceed to tell them that not only are they stupid and wrong, but wicked too. Granted, they are wicked, and they need to find that out. However, I don't think that's the best way to break the news.

8) Share your sorrows and your hope. Share your own struggles and desperation in an appropriate way and what you do with your sin. I have many a time shared how frustrated I am with my own propensity toward impatience with my children, and how without God 's grace and help: I don't know where I'd be.

9) Apologize! Pride is an enemy of the gospel. If you've been rude (at some point you will be), be quick to confess your sin and apologize to the offended person. I've often heard a Christian lament that they fear admitting their faults and weaknesses to a non Christian will compromise their witness. Quite to the contrary: don't worry about looking perfect! Worry about pointing to the One Who is perfect!

Thank you Renee for giving us all the opportunity to evaluate something of eternal importance!

Posted by Kristen and Erika

Two Ugly Sisters: Churlish and Surly

2011-03-02T16:13:00.000-08:00

“The wise woman builds her home, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1

The other day I was reading a commentary on Titus 2:5. Two words appeared for which I needed a refresher: churlish and surly.

Churlish: Rude in a mean-spirited and surly way.

Surly: Churlishly rude or bad-tempered, unfriendly or hostile; menacingly irritable; dark or dismal; threatening.

Churlish and surly…they kinda sound like names for women, don’t they? You know what’s scary? Many women, myself included, have embodied the meanings of these two words on a repeated basis. And what’s even sadder – these attitudes/behaviors in women have torn down countless children, husbands, homes, communities, and churches.

Churlish and surly appeared in my commentary to contrast God’s command in Titus 2:5 that women are to be “kind.” When we read that word “kind” we are tempted to think, “Ya, ya, ya I know ‘kind.’” But do we really? Jerry Bridges says, “…kindness is the sincere desire for the happiness of others.” Yikes. Can any of us say we always have kindness present in our hearts? I’ll be honest…I don’t always feel that. My flesh desires it’s own happiness. That’s why, on some days, I get along rather well with Churlish and Surly.

Read the above definitions again. When’s the last time you hung out with Churlish and Surly? Yesterday maybe? This morning? 5 minutes ago? How often have we as women walked around our home in a bad-tempered, unfriendly, irritable state? Sometimes, we say it’s because we’re pms-ing. Other times, we blame it on a rough day with the kids or at work. But, the truth is, we are the ones who invited Churlish and Surly….no one else can be blamed for their presence at our table.

Churlish and Surly never fail to accept an invitation. If I’m doing dishes at the sink and my heart slowly begins to resent the work, Churlish and Surly are right there with me telling me they understand and others should too. They try to trap me into more wasted time spent. They inculcate my heart with irritability and dark, dismal, unfriendly thoughts the more time we spend together…. Churlish and Surly pretend to be on my side, but in reality, they are my enemies. They hate me, my family, my home, my church, my community, my God. So, what do they do? They try to tear it all down. If they can gain momentum in my heart, they know they can gain it in my home. And, if they can gain momentum in the hearts of many women and many homes, then they can influence communities and churches in deadly ways.

Remember Proverbs 14:1. You will either be the wise woman or the foolish woman. Guess which one gets Churlish and Surly’s votes?

The next time Churlish and Surly pay you a visit, resolve to do the following:

1. Tell yourself, “That is not who I am. God in His grace, has equipped me to build my home, not to destroy it. You mean ugly sisters are pretending to care about my woes, but you don’t give a rip about me. I know your schemes. My God has given me a command to obey and I trust Him, not you!” Cry out immediately!! Don’t wait! Churlish and Surly won’t leave at your request (remember, they’re quite rude), but when you turn your eyes to Jesus they flee.

2. Put on kindness. Apply yourself, regardless of your feelings, to the good, well-being and happiness of those around you. Do it intentionally and do it well. Look around, who is there with you? What are their needs, their desires, their cares, their joys? Get out of yourself and into them. Ask God to fill your heart with kindness. Just like Nebuchanezzar experienced when his eyes turned back to God, your reason will return to you when you stop looking at crazy Churlish and Surly.

3. Then, get to planning. How can you get Churlish and Surly to move somewhere further away? What was the command in Titus 2:5? Amongst other things, women are to be “kind.” When you’re feeling churlish and surly, you’re not being kind. You were not being kind in the moments leading up to Churlish and Surly spending the night on your couch. The opposite actually. You were filling up with anger, hatred even. Think about why that is. Do you need to make sure you withdraw more frequently and remind yourself of the gospel? Do you need to remind yourself of Who Jesus is? In “The Law of Kindness,” Mary Beeke suggests you tell yourself the following: “God showed me unparalleled kindness by forgiving my sins; I will be kind to others in return, whether they are kind or unkind to me.” So, put on kindness, cry out for kindness, and be kind even if you don’t feel like it. In doing so, Churlish and Surly will get the boot.

Please don’t ever entertain Churlish and Surly, not even for a quick dinner. Make them leave the moment they peer their ugly faces in your front door. If you don’t, they’ll ask if they can stay the night and before you know it you’ll have those two ugly sisters living with you for good. And one day you will look around and your home will be lying in ruins. You won’t get to blame Churlish and Surly either. They’ll be long gone. They were unfaithful friends from the beginning. No, it will just be you and your Maker. So get to the building, get to the kindness. We won’t have the opportunity for very long….

Posted by Erika

Mothering: Enduring Work

2011-02-26T08:25:00.000-08:00

A sweet Veritas-er and young mother of two very young girls asked a great question in response to the Facebook blog from last week. I already had this blog 3/4 of the way written, so I tweaked it a little bit to weave in some principals that might help answer her question. So, if you are a mother of very young ones, or hope to be some day, or know mothers of small children, read on. Cheers!

I read a quote the other day that encouraged my soul, and I so hope it might do the same for you:

"Ordinary is where we all live most of the time. And yet our mundane, repetitive days are full of enduring work. Homes are being built. Families are being knit together. Little souls are being shaped for eternity. The tedious is, in fact, momentous - when done for the sake of Christ: “…so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior” (Titus 2:10). This truth can get lost in piles of laundry and dirty dishes. We need help to see the glory peaking out from behind the ordinary."

N. Whitacre

I also heard a quote the other day that saddened me. I won't give the exact quote but it was along these lines, 'It seems a woman with as much gifting and potential as my mother has, ought not be limited to the scope of the home.' Gasp, cough, sniff...

Women everywhere are praised and even given awards when they impact the lives of children, so long as those children are not their own. We live in an age of surrogacy. Our own government is in fact offering free money for women to leave their children and head back out to get an education and "make something of themselves." A school sent out an email recently, with a heartwarming story about a teacher telling a CEO that while she didn't make much monetarily, she made a difference in the life of a child the way no one else could. No one? Really? The point of the email was the impact that teachers make in the lives of children, a point with which I wholeheartedly agree. I completely adore my sons' teachers! However, the email served as a reminder that the longsuffering required in motherhood is not widely valued in America today. People such as after-school youth workers, teachers, and high school counselors are often highly esteemed for their hard work in the lives of children. Whereas often a mother spending many years praying, scrubbing toilets, teaching, bandaging, nurturing, instructing, driving, cooking, washing, correcting, serving, volunteering, baking, doctoring, wiping, sewing, shopping, building, studying, crying, rising early and working to shape and pour into the lives of her children will likely be overlooked or seen as "limited." That is a sad and deceived perspective on motherhood. I'd like to meet a CEO who's job description is as diverse and demanding as that of a mother. (No offense to the CEOs in the world... We like them too.)

Having laid that foundation, let me start to get at the aforementioned question.

Being a mother of very young children is a unique and demanding season indeed. Many a mother has shared with me they can feel isolated, particularly when all of the young ones in the home are not yet school-aged. With the school-age child, there comes many more opportunities for adult interaction. For mothers who are homeschooling, many are part of co-ops and groups from which they draw wisdom and support. If you are ferry-ing children to and fro to school and activities, then you also will end up with more than your share of moms to talk to, classrooms to volunteer in, parties to attend, etc... I find myself constantly turning down social invitations, because I am full to the brim with duties that take me outside of the home and into the lives of others. Moms of young children also work inordinately long hours. There is often little to no praise for the very hard work they are doing. There are seasons where the fruit their work is bearing seems sparse at best. Often, even while having a husband, they may long for some peer-interaction. To be sure, mothering very little people is a season full of sweet, wonderful things. It does bring with it though some complicated challenges. I want to lay out some principles for navigating this season with wisdom, so that you are making the most of the opportunity the Lord has granted you with these very young souls.

Part of the question was that if a mom of very young ones feels isolated, what is an appropriate response? It it ok to use Facebook as a means of connecting with friends? Should she instead have more in-person interaction? The answer to this question will vary from mom to mom and household to household. Here are some principals to consider as you decide how to schedule your day, what social invites to accept, how much time to spend on Facebook, etc..

1. Sometimes what we need in the midst of our isolation is a redeemed perspective. As John Piper, and Martin Lloyd Jones (and likely others) have wisely counseled Christians to do: Preach to yourself. Don't listen to yourself so much as you talk to yourself. Speak Scripture, and if necessary speak it out loud over and over until your feelings get in line. Sometimes we can begin to feel lonely or overworked because our minds are too much on the temporal and not enough on the eternal. Your children are young but for a second. If our whole lives are only "a vapor", then consider how short an early childhood is. I can't encourage mothers of tiny ones enough: redeem the time! Hold your babies, speak Scripture to them and over them. Take pictures. Pray over disobedience. Feed them healthy meals. Bake with them. Paint with them. Pray over their salvation. Go to the library. Go to the park. Flush your phone. (Likely your toddler will do it for you at some point.) Throw your laptop in a ditch. (Maybe not literally, they are expensive.) Scrub your floor so they have a clean place to crawl. Shine the tub so they can go and mess it up with painting in the bath. Wash their clothes so they can get them dirty again. Wipe their little nose. Change their diapers. Take them puddle jumping. Go to the zoo. Hold them some more. Love their father, and help him in every way you can. All of those duties, and countless other ones I didn't mention, take up so much time that generally there is not a lot of time left for socializing. Socializing with a girlfriend isn't wrong, catching up with friends on Facebook isn't wrong, but just be absolutely certain that you have done as the Proverbs 31 gal and "looked well to the ways of your household" first. There was a season where I recited one particular Scripture over and over to myself. I was battling isolation, some postpartum depression and dealing with a host of other difficult circumstances. "Whom have I in heaven but you? There is nothing on earth I desire besides you. My heart and my flesh may fail, but you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:25-26). God is your portion and because of that, you can joyfully make it through those very long days of young motherhood. Keep focused!

2. Piggy-backing on #1- if you are indeed "looking well to the ways of your household" and you desire female fellowship, then by all means: set up a little get together! Be very wise and use discernment when you choose your friends. Bear in mind Proverbs 13:20, "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. But, a companion of fools will suffer harm."

3. If you are feeling lonely, be careful about trying to get those needs met via avenues like Facebook. I am not anti-Facebook, I promise. But, you likely will not feel encouraged, loved, and prayed for after a half an hour or more on Facebook. You may go there trying to get some of those needs met, but more than likely, it won't happen. So you'll stay on there longer and longer and longer. You may be better served by spending some time with a friend and asking her to pray for you than spending a lot of time on the internet.

4. There are times when a friend is not available, or it is unwise for you to leave your duties at home, yet you'll find yourself feeling depressed, lonely, or like you just need encouragement. In those times, I can't implore you enough to go to God in earnest, sincere prayer and pour out your heart to your Comforter. It is a good thing to call and ask a friend for prayer. But, first, make it a habit to ask Jesus for help and encouragement. Enjoy and relish the sweet fellowship you have with Him. Stay in that place of prayer and meditating on Scripture until you enjoy comfort and relief. It will deepen your relationship with Christ and enrich your love for and awe of Him. Don't look to lesser comforts, relish in the delight that is your Immanuel.

Moms out there: your work is enduring, your work is eternal. The isolation will be but for a moment, but the fruit of your hands may impact countless generations.

Posted by Kristen

A Time for Airplane Mode

2011-02-25T13:30:00.000-08:00

“For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven….”

Ecclesiastes 3:1

For those of you who don’t already know, airplane mode is a setting on your IPhone allowing you to cut off contact with the outside world. It disables your phone, radio, WI-FI and Bluetooth. For anyone in a season of constant sowing, this is particularly helpful information. Let me explain…

Three years ago, I brought home a handsome baby boy from the hospital. Amongst others, one thing became very apparent. My relationship with that darn cell phone would need to change, drastically. Gone were the days of answering at the drop of a hat simply because someone wanted to talk. A little person needed me much more. He had become my primary responsibility. I needed to be most available to him….not to a phone.

It’s wise to consider Ecclesiastes 3:1 when determining whether your current phone usage is pleasing to the Lord. Think in terms of seasons. Are you a young mother or are your kids grown? Are you working and therefore accountable to an employer for your time on the job? Whatever our season, God has given us gifts (including phones) which we are commanded to subdue and rule (see Genesis 1:28). If we are honest, many of us will admit it’s our phone doing the subduing and ruling…over us!

Ask yourself the following questions to see if there are areas for growth in your “phone dominion”:

1.If you are a mother of young children, do you find yourself too often telling those little munchkins to, “Hush! Just a second…let me send one quick message….”

2. When you have your private prayer and devotion time is it truly private or is your phone right there with you in sight, beckoning?

3. Is your husband often put on the backburner because you are too busy texting, talking, checking, etc.?

4. Would your employer say you have a problem taking personal calls on the job?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you need to think seriously about taking dominion over your phone. Your phone can be a curse or a blessing to those around you. If you are married or have children, consider asking them how they view the time you spend on your phone. Do they think you’d rather chat with anyone other than them? If so, that's sad. And, yes…it is sin.

Consider taking these practical steps:

1. Scripture tells us Jesus frequently retreated to “lonely places.” If the perfect Son of God had to do that, then how much more should we! Make your “lonely place” truly lonely. When you go to do your private Scripture reading and prayer don’t let your phone be within sight or earshot. This has been exceedingly helpful to me of late! With that phone out of sight, it becomes easier to think of that time as unique between the Lord and myself. It’s not helpful or wise for me to include my entire contact list and fb friends in on what is supposed to be sweet communion with my God.

2. When you are chatting with your husband at the end of the day, why not protect that time? Leave your phone in another room so you can give your undivided attention (respect) to your husband. Hard to be a helpmate if you don’t even remember what it was he was saying he needed help with…

3. If you are in a season of constant sowing (i.e. you have children living at home or you are working a full time job), your time is invaluable. The way you spend your time now is going to directly affect what you reap later in life…make no mistake! Consider having a set time in your schedule to return calls, texts, etc. This way, you've protected your time at work or playing with and instructing your children, rather than allowing your phone to hijack it. Get extreme with this. If you have to leave the phone in your car just to get it out of sight, do it! Take the necessary means to ensure you are keeping your top priorities your top priorities.

Obviously, there is a time to teach children about being patient while mama is on the phone. We certainly want our kids to learn to be considerate of others. However, in our society a mom mindlessly chatting on her phone doesn’t tell her youngster to wait because she desires to serve them through wise instruction. Usually, it’s just because she’s serving herself.

Use your phone. Don’t let it use you. Make your kids’ doc appointments on the thing, call a friend to encourage her while your kids are entertained, text your husband a sweet note…. Ephesians 5:15-16 says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Don’t live as unwise and be ruled by your phone (even if it’s a super cute pink one.) Be wise. Look at the people around you. They are craving your undivided attention. And somebody is gonna get your busy signal. If you thought that was annoying in the 80’s, believe me your kids are finding that beep from your phone much worse. Turn it to airplane mode. You’ll thank me later.

Posted by Erika

And the Anthropologie winner is....

2011-02-24T15:12:00.000-08:00

Random.org chose comment # 6! Renee!

And in case you are wondering: No! There was absolutely no favoritism to the lovely and sweet nurse who was responsible for patching my baby up twice in the past month. I promise. If there was any favoritism, it was from God, who is indeed sovereign over random.org's "random" selection process.

Renee's winning comment: "I would like to read more about evangelism to unbelieving friends and relatives."

Congrats Renee, you can claim your prize on Sunday at worship. Also, we'll write on your topic first!

Thanks to all who commented, you gave us lots of good ideas! Look for many of your topics in the coming weeks!

Posted by Kristen

10 Facebook Do's and Don'ts for Christian Women

2011-02-21T20:19:00.000-08:00

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. " Proverbs 12:18

I think it is possible that we have moved from the information age to the Facebook age. Seriously. Everyone is on Facebook! Lots of life communication and transactions occur in this online public social arena. I resisted Facebook for a long time because I thought it was kind of weird, cultish, and a huge time waster. I finally gave in. I have relatives I love in Washington that I never get to see, what can I say? Facebook, like most other things in culture today, can be redeemed for the glory of God. However, we must navigate Facebook with wisdom. Scripture is full of countless warnings about the the way we use our tongues. Our words are very important, so therefore what you type or text is just as important as what you speak. Here are a few recommendations on ways to navigate your Facebook world with wisdom.

1. Do use Facebook missionally. Use it to connect with, and love on your non-Christian friends and family.

2. Don't, or at least please be careful about picking "theological fights" on Facebook. Let's face it, women have a propensity toward snarkiness. Click here for a Femina definition of snarkiness. Everything in type seems even more snarky than when you speak it. If you are really concerned about an error in a friend's theology, or a sin issue in their life, show you love and care for them by taking the time to talk to them about it, personally. If you don't care enough about them to speak personally with them, then you certainly ought not be throwing things out and around on Facebook. Facebook is a very public place. Everyone sees your arguing, so you must consider that this might embarrass the friend or family member you are disagreeing with. (Not to mention the bad reputation this gives Christians with the world when they see our lack of love for one another.) See to it that the words you speak (type) on Facebook are building them up, no matter how much you may disagree with them. As Charles Spurgeon said, "Think kindly, speak kindly, do kindly."

3. Do use discretion in what you post. Facebook is very public. Keep intimate, private things just that: private, and intimate. Sweet things or moments between loved ones lose some of their intimacy when they are put on public display. "The wise of heart is called discerning..." Proverbs 16:21a.

4. Don't be quarrelsome. All the proverbs that apply to your mouth also apply to the words you type on Facebook. Hold your FB-ing up to the Proverbs test. Are your words apt, careful and suitable for building up? Is the law of kindness on your fingers?

5. Do use Facebook as a means to show kindness to your friends and family. Are your comments kind and encouraging, or sarcastic and snide?

6. Don't use Facebook to vent your frustrations about an employer, product, or company. Complaining is a sin, remember? Just because what you are saying is true, does not mean it ought to be said.

7. Do use Facebook to show honor and respect to whom it is due. Are you friends with a parent that you can esteem on FB? A mentor? Bible study or Community group leader? What about those in authority over you in your local church? Are your comments to them typically sarcastic or argumentative?

8. Don't let FB suck hours of your time every day. Remember that Proverbs teaches us that "The woman folly is loud" (emphasis mine). Surely, you all have homes to tend to, high school or college to attend, jobs and ministry to do. Are you constantly getting on Facebook and being loud? Are you spending hours commenting, and commenting, and commenting on everyone's photos, statuses, etc.?

9. Do use Facebook to gain wisdom and encouragement from various teachers and ministries (such as The Resurgence, etc.).

10. Don't replace Jesus with Facebook. If you're tempted to update the Facebook world about an urgent situation before sincerely going to God in prayer, you may need to consider taking a Facebook vacation.

So, when it comes to Facebook, keep Jesus on the throne!

Posted by Kristen & Erika

Give-away! Give-away!

2011-02-19T14:36:00.000-08:00

Hello all!

We are having another give-away!

Since we are all looking forward to spring, we are giving away some thing fun, cute, and spring-ey from one of my favorite places: Anthropologie! If you have never been, stop in over at the Fountains and check it out. (No, this is not a paid advertisement, I just think everyone needs a touch of Anthropologie in their life now and again.) While you are there, say hello to the very helpful salesmen at Sur La Table as well.

Here is how you can enter to win:

Leave a comment below, completing the following sentence: "I would like to read more about..."

I thought this would be a snappy way for:

a) you to win something cute and b) Erika and I to get some blog topic ideas.

You can leave two comments if you are a follower, one if you are not.

As I heard that last time there was some confusion about how a winner would be selected: We'll be using random.org to select a random winner out of the list of comments this coming Thursday the 24th. Sorry, just cause you moved to Florida and left all your California friends sad and alone, with no Weimaraners to pet at church, that doesn't mean you get preferential treatment on the give-ways. ;)
Maybe it should, but it doesn't.

Chew Your Food!

2011-02-17T06:15:00.000-08:00

As a momma to two toddlers I find myself saying this a lot. Today, I realized I need to say it to myself…metaphorically speaking.

In 2 Timothy 2:7 Paul admonishes Timothy to “think over what I say.” Do you ever “think over” during the week what your pastor says on Sunday? Do you really “chew” on it?

Often times when we first hear a sermon we say to ourselves, “Wow! This sermon would be great for __________(insert spouse, friend, child, parent, etc.)!” If you have ever thought like that, this might be a helpful metaphor for you… Imagine you are serving your kids dinner. You give everyone a healthy, balanced meal except for one child to whom you serve something of no nutritional value. A kind mother would never do such a thing! Likewise, the Lord in His infinite wisdom and kind providence has put you under the authority of a specific pastor who is aware of his congregation’s specific needs, and who is in constant watch and prayer over those specific people. If you know how to feed all of your kids exactly what they need for dinner don’t ya think God knows what to feed you each week through your pastor?

A challenge for you (and one I am undertaking as well): refer to the passage and notes from Sunday’s sermon during your private devotions this week. If you have extra time to listen to a sermon, visit the Veritas site (or the site of whatever church you are attending if not Veritas). I guarantee you will hear things you didn’t hear on previous Sundays. I just tested this out and I can’t tell you enough how helpful it was! Listening to a sermon multiple times will rid you of thoughts like, “Oh…this sermon would be so great for so and so!” Meditation reveals truths you weren’t able to see before. Those truths have nourishment intended for you…so eat your food!

I’ll end with a quote from Veritas’ Lead Pastor, Erik Meyers, in his current blog series on fighting sin, “It’s not so much the knowing as it is the manner of knowing.” Food for thought…

Posted by Erika

Early Morning Encouragement

2011-02-15T06:33:00.000-08:00

A thought this morning from Puritan pastor, Samuel Ward.

"By faith, put off your sackcloth and ashes and put on the garments of joy and gladness. Let your clothes be white, and your head anointed with oil. Live to the fullest. Live today, live tomorrow, live, O Christian, forever! This you can do if you learn to use your faith. Do you desire to have a continual feast and rejoice always in the Lord? Let me prescribe a daily diet without ever neglecting it. Just as often as you refresh your body through rest and recreation, so cheer up your soul. Let your soul have two or three walks each day up Mount Tabor, that is in some retired place of meditation and prayer. Go to Isaac's field to meditate, or David's closet. What is to be done there? Make use of your faith. This is the chief mystery of our spiritual life. Stir up your soul to talk with Christ. Consider the promises and privileges you enjoy. Think of them, roll them under your tongue, chew on them until you feel their sweetness in your soul. View them together and individually. Sometimes contemplate one in particular, or another more deeply. Consider how wonderful that your debts are cancelled, and how wonderful that God's wrath is satisfied. Consider how happy and safe a condition you are in as a son (daughter) of God, and how pleasant a state not to fear death and hell. Mingle these thoughts with prayers for grace and aid. Do not leave the mountain until your heart has been cheerfully warmed and revived. This is using your faith. You will find your soul saying, 'It is good to be here.' Unstirred coals to do not glow or give heat. The beauty of faith is its use. Don't just have muscles, use them. Let a man (woman) diligently and thoroughly improve his faith and the joy it will bring to him will be great".

I hope that was as helpful to you as it was to me. Take time for prayer and meditation on Christ today, and let your soul be "cheered".

Posted by Kristen

Christian Hospitality: Much More than Entertaining

2011-02-09T14:15:00.000-08:00

One of our dear friends does a beautiful job of extending true hospitality and using her home as a place of ministry. She regularly has guests into her home and also hosts a community group. Week in and week out she does a beautiful job demonstrating Christ's heart for people in the way she welcomes both strangers and friends. I should know, as I've often been the recipient of her gracious love and hospitality. My children have participated in the re-painting of her carpet (they thought her taupe carpet would look better red), rubbing sticky hands on her walls, and very literally: swinging from her ceiling.

I asked her if she'd write a little "Guest Post" on Christian hospitality. Thank you, Michelle!

Oh how I enjoy a clean and tidy home! Even my little guy loves when he can easily grab a set of clean clothes nicely arranged in his bottom drawer. My husband happily notices a freshly vacuumed floor when he walks in the door after a hard day of work. But, as much as we all appreciate cleanliness, we enjoy something far greater…the joy of hospitality! Certainly, a well kept house is pleasing to the Lord, but there are things of greater importance. When we have our buddies over with their little monkeys and mine, any of the following is likely to occur: swinging from the ceiling on a punching bag, sword fighting, wrestling, eating ice-cream sandwiches on the carpet with sticky little hands, contagious laughter, screaming, fully emptied toy boxes on the floor and even a few bruises. The tidy little house is put on pause in these moments. Enjoying the gift of each other makes it all worth it. Opening up our home to friends and strangers will mean a well loved house with stains on the carpet and ice-cream sandwiches slimed on the chairs. What a fruitful mess indeed!!! It might mean a bit more tidying will be necessary the next day. There may be some extra dishes after preparing a larger meal for another family or friend...and that's ok.

1 Peter 4:9-11a says, "Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God's varied grace…. in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ." God commands us to be hospitable and to do it without a grumbling spirit. Romans 12:13, "Contribute to the needs of the saints, and seek to show hospitality." Our homes are meant to reflect God's kindness and graciousness. I should be showing hospitality first and foremost to my husband and children and I am also called to be hospitable to others. I pray we would all grow in service and hospitality towards one another as an overflow of the grace God has so kindly poured out onto us.

Guest post by Michelle Lindsey

Getting at the Heart of Unwise Transparency

2011-02-06T11:37:00.000-08:00

The heart knows it's own bitterness
and a stranger does not share its joy.

Proverbs 14:10

This verse used to make me mad...and sad. How depressing is it to believe no one truly "gets" you? No one understands every moment of suffering, trial, experience, joy, silliness in your life? Our culture is transparency-obsessed. We say things like, "I'm just keepin' it real" or "I don't want to be a fake." But, this verse begs the question, "Is transparency worthwhile?"

Today, we have endless means to be transparent: facebook, text, email, blogging, to name a few…. While these things can be good, they are often used unwisely. Scripture speaks plainly about our speech. We are to have “aptly” spoken words. We are to have words which have been appropriately thought out, planned for, purposeful and full of grace. That’s hard work in the age we are living in! Nevertheless, discretion should be a highly desired trait for every Christian woman. Proverbs 11:22 warns: "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion."

Transparency for it’s own sake is not biblical. Colossians 3:17 says, "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." We don't have the "right" to "vent." We don't have the "right" to "get things off our chests." We worship Jesus, not ourselves. Therefore, honoring Jesus needs to be the reason behind every detail of information we share.

Let's look at some examples of wise transparency:

1. You love your husband. You prize that relationship above all others second only to Jesus. You regularly set aside time to tell him your dreams, concerns, joys, etc. asking for his opinion and taking it seriously. You are being transparent wisely!

2. You are suffering a particularly painful struggle. If you are married, you get your husband’s take on it. He thinks it’s a good idea for you to ask an older Christian woman. Asking questions of a trustworthy Christian woman for the purpose of gaining wisdom is wise transparency.

3. God has blessed you with a close friendship. (No, your facebook friends don’t count. Let’s not forget Proverbs 18:24 either, "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Think about a close friendship.) There is a mutual love and affection for each other and the things of God. You have been blessed! You have the freedom to share details of your life for the purpose of fellowship and unity, pointing each other to Jesus. So long as it imparts grace, is respectful of your husband and children, and isn’t sin, share away! Your wise transparency is glorifying God as you enjoy the gift of each other!

Unwise transparency displays itself like this:

1. You are going over the events of the day with your husband and you realize he’s pretty much the last to know. Everything you’ve shared has already been shared with your mom, your friend, your neighbor, your pastor and facebook.

2. At the end of the evening, you don’t go over the events of the day with your husband. You’ve already had your communicative needs met through everyone else so why waste your time?

3. You lack the aforementioned close friendship with another godly woman. Instead of patiently waiting and praying for the Lord to provide one, you decide you’ll force it with someone else. You start treating everyone like a close friend, ignoring the caution in Proverbs 13:20, "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."
4. The majority of your conversations have to do with you. Your complaints, your joys, your thoughts.... For the most part, it’s pretty much all about you. Might unwise transparency be kept to a minimum by remembering Phillipians 2:4, "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others"...?

5. Topics of conversation vary little from doctor to friend to child to parent to husband to waitress to Target cashier. There are virtually no boundaries surrounding subjects you are willing to talk about. No part of your life stays just in your family. Everything is out there for the world to see. It’s all open game and nothing is truly intimate.

6. You love words. You are a “words” person. You love to read words and write words whenever you can. Only problem is you don’t have Jesus’ words in your head. Your words are the ones you love most and boy do they like to come out every chance they get.

Many women will say, “Oh I’m just a people person.” “I’m friendly” or “I’m just keepin’ it real.” I want everyone to know “this is me” and I’m putting it out there for the world. “You can take it or leave it, but there it is."

That may sound very self-confident but might I suggest an alternative explanation? Take a look at Proverbs 14:10 again. Could your excessive transparency indicate a desire for intimacy with your fellow man and not with God? Is it possible that the heart behind much of the stuff on facebook and the like is actually just an outcry for validation? As Kristen warned about in our training day last week, we easily form idols out of people. We want them to “redeem” us. We want them not only to “get” us, but to agree with us. We want them to “justify” our actions, our words, our family, our church…every detail of our lives.

The sooner we get Proverbs 14:10, the sooner we will learn to be transparent wisely. If this verse makes you mad or sad, as it did me, think about why that is. Do you remember there is One who does “get” you? Do you remember there is One who has seen every tear, every sin, every temptation, every fear, every ounce of joy and silliness….and He gets you? And not only does He “get” you; if you are in Christ, He accepts you in spite of it all. He justifies you in spite of the evil deeds, the corruption of your heart, the love you keep seeking from anyone other than Him. Ya, He gets it alright and yet He loves you. Wow. Shouldn’t that be enough?

Posted by Erika

And the winner is...

2011-02-04T15:05:00.000-08:00

Random.org picked comment #8 from Lyndsay Salas as the winner of our stack o books and Sur La Table dish gloves! Lyndsay, your books are on their way! I will get them to you as soon as they arrive!

To everyone else: We'll have another give-away soon, you'll have another chance to win! Fret not!

Posted by Kristen

Complaining: Worse than you think.

2011-02-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

"If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless." James 1:26

As sin issues go, most of the time complaining would not be one of those sins people commit that makes us cringe. Surely other things are much "worse"? Right....right?

All sin is equally bad in the sense that it separates us from God and also from one another. But certain sins have a way of hurting people in more serious ways than others.

One of the problems with complaining is just how commonplace it can be amongst women in particular. It can seem innocent. Most times we'll think nothing of complaining about just about anything. It could be that we are complaining about our child's temperament, or the weather, or the day of the week, money, the government, or our job. Or the laundry. If we have a discontented spirit, just about anything will do to satisfy our need to spout off.

It may do us all well to pay particular attention to our propensity to complain. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." I can't imagine any complaint that has ever come out of my mouth (and there have been many, I'm sad to say), has ever given "grace" to the person hearing the complaint. To complain, however justified we may feel in doing so, is just a sin, plain and simple. God takes the way we use our mouths very seriously.

To take some more wisdom from the book of James:

"So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so." James 3:5-11

If that doesn't impress upon your heart how serious our words are to God, then I'll commend you to read it a second time. Or a third.

I'll end with a list of the damaging effects complaining can have on us as individuals, as well as our churches, families, and friends.

1. Complaining obliterates trust. When someone complains to me about their family member or friend, the thought that usually runs through my head is, "Wow. I have many more flaws and deficiencies than so and so they are complaining about. Guess it is only a matter of time before they are complaining to someone else about me."

2. Complaining breeds and nurtures arrogance in your heart. When we are going on about how our friend is a jerk for not emailing us back, or our pastor didn't preach well last week, or our child is causing us inconvenience and hardship, or our job just stinks... We can't help but lift ourselves up whilst we are putting others down. After all, "I am always a perfectly attentive friend, as a child I was perfectly behaved, surely if I was the pastor my preaching would be better, and if I was the person in a position of power at my workplace, certainly the employees would be happier," etc...

3. Complaining is usually either gossip, or slander, or both. "My pastor's counsel surely was unfruitful!" What are you doing in saying that other than fault finding and back biting? "I texted her last week and she said she didn't have time to get together, can you believe that?!"

4. All complaining is ultimately complaining against God. Whether we are griping about the job, or friends, or church, or pastor, or kids, or food, or weather, or day of the week...God has graciously given us all of it, so it is ultimately a complaint against Him. That deserves some thought.

So, let us be trustworthy, thankful women whose words give "grace" to those who hear. If we address the complaining that is going on quietly in our hearts right now, maybe we can uproot that sin before it floods out our mouths and causes injury to others.

Posted by Kristen

Give-away!

2011-01-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

Hey ya gals!

I learned that people who write blogs do give-away's.

So, for someone who loves gifts, this is a no brainer: we must also have a give-away! The good thing about our give-away is that, with only a few folks reading, you have a great chance of winning. Not like the give aways on the Pioneer Woman site. Granted she is also giving away much, much cooler stuff, but with 20,000 people entering, your chances aren't as good! With us, you have an EXCELLENT chance of winning! EXCELLENT!

Leave a comment (any ol' comment) below and we'll enter you to win a small stack of books (all of which I used & quoted for our training day), but your very own copies, not my used ones.

And: I am gonna tie a super cute designer pair of Sur La Table dish gloves to the top of the stack for ya! You're welcome. :)

You can enter twice if you join the blog as a "follower", once if you just want to comment.

Buena Suerte!

-Kristen

‘My good’ in the form of mud pies?

2011-01-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

“And we know that for those who love God all things work togetherfor good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Most of us are familiar with this verse, but sometimes it can be difficult to see the good God is working for us, especially when it comes with a trial.

Recently, we decided to become a one-car family. Our Kia was costing much more in repairs than it was blessing us as another mode of transportation, so we decided to sell it. At first, this seemed more of a hassle than a blessing…but I was wrong! You see, I have found that being without transportation has allowed me many more uninterrupted moments with my little boys. I have to be more efficient when I am able to leave and run errands and unplanned outings are a thing of the past. How wonderful this has been!

Thursday morning was a great example to me of God using a seemingly bad thing for my good. I had nowhere I had to be; the errands for the week had already been accomplished (and if they hadn’t they would need to wait until next week). So, we took a nice, leisurely walk to the park. After playing on the merry go round, slide, swings and taking a quick run on the baseball field, I decided to round everyone up and head back home. But, it didn’t happen. The boys had discovered that the stroller's cup holders are the perfect size for making mud pies…and that’s exactly what they did. My first instinct was to say, “boys, boys, no, no….we need to head home now,” but I realized something. Nowhere to be, no car to drive…let ‘em make mud! Mud was everywhere….dirty heads, toes, arms and hands but there was plenty of time to bathe them when we got home because….no car, nowhere to go! So, I let them play until their heart’s content and what a joy it was to see them having fun in the mud…forming their perfect little pies with such precision and sweetly serious faces (see Exhibits A and B below).

Sad that it sometimes has to take an external change to create an inward one. Our hearts are so sinful that sometimes God does use trials to change them. The truth is, it shouldn’t have to take the selling of a car for mommies to spend more one on one time with their kiddos. It should be the result of a heart delighting in children as God commands us to (Proverbs 3:12). For me, God used an external trial to create an inward heart change….helping me to see the beauty of something I might have missed otherwise.

Mud pies are only for a season and I’m told it’s a very short one. Literally every sweet, older lady who has approached to admire my boys has given the following admonition, “Enjoy them while they are young sweetie…They grow up so fast.” I think what they are trying to say is this: “Let them make their mud pies, smile, nod, praise their ‘work’ and cheerfully clean them up when they are done. Do it all with a thankful heart and not a hint of grumbling. Do it well so that one day you can look back and say, ‘Boy I miss those mud pies...and boy am I glad I stayed long enough for them to make ‘em.”

Mourning Together

2011-01-19T13:40:00.000-08:00

We’ve all been there. A friend or family member just went through some painful experience and we’re standing in their midst feeling totally awkward, struggling to think of the right words to say. If we’re honest we usually spout off something unhelpful for the sake of saying something …That way we won’t feel as guilty when we hurry away to avoid further awkwardness…

Does Scripture give us any clues as to how to navigate through these inevitable moments in life or are we doomed to repeat this same scenario over and over again? Thankfully, Scripture is not silent as to what we are to do when a friend is mourning…neither is it complicated. Very simply, Romans 12:15 says, “…mourn with those who mourn.” Anyone who has had a dear friend cry for them during a painful season grasps the beauty of this verse. Often times, not until we are on the receiving end of such Christ-like compassion do we realize how important and worthy a thing it is to be mourning with those who mourn. Practically speaking, how exactly do you mourn for someone? Below are some steps to help us in mourning for another.

1. See the loss through your friend’s eyes. To mourn is to “feel or express sorrow or grief over misfortune, loss, or anything regretted.” If my friend, spouse, child, parent, etc. is grieving over something, regardless of whether I believe it is something worthy of grieving over, I should be grieving too! The problem with this is that my selfish heart is not exactly prone to feeling this kind of true empathy for another. So, the first thing to do when you hear a friend has experienced a certain loss….PRAY. Pray and ask the Lord to help you mourn for your friend. Ask God to help you see this loss as your friend sees it.

2. Convey to your friend the sadness you feel. Do not be quick to skip this part! Christians can tend to be overly optimistic at very inappropriate times. It’s natural for us to forgo the grieving and get right to the “light at the end of the tunnel” but if you have not grieved with your friend she will not be inclined to listen to or believe the hope you are setting before her. There will be a time for this in the future but the time is not now!! Proverbs 25:11 says: “A word fitly spoken, is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Conversely, a word not “fitly spoken” is not beautiful, but rather quite ugly, especially to a grieving friend.

3. Lay on the love. If your friend is a gift person, buy her a gift. If she is more of a quality time chick, set aside time to hang out with her. If words are her thing, write her a note. If there is an unmet need or a way you can bear a burden (running errands, dropping off dinner, etc.) then do that. Back up the words you used to convey your sadness in step 2 with tangible, loving works. This can never heal your friend but it can hold the sting of sadness at bay and remind her of lovely things she can set her mind on.

4. Don’t stop mourning until your friend does. Don’t think, “Well, I went through the list and checked off each point so now she should be back to normal and all will be right again!” Chances are there is a sense in which your friend will never stop mourning. If she suffered the loss of a child or relationship, if she anticipates ongoing struggle and pain in her life, you need to continue to be sad with her. I’m not advocating allowing a friend to use the suffering in her life as a license to sin. Clearly, if a large amount of time has passed and your friend has sunk into a depression, is not attending to the roles and responsibilities God has given her, etc. there may be a time to very lovingly and with much empathy point her towards Scripture. However, in my experience, when a person is blessed with others to mourn with it truly helps them to heal. Ecclesiastes 7:3 says: “Sorrow is better than laughter because a sad face is good for the heart.” When we exercise wisdom by mourning with those who mourn God uses it to actually heal the hearts of those going through the suffering. What an amazing thought that God can use our sorrow and sad faces to heal our friends’ hearts.

In closing, it is important for us to understand that in this life, there really is a “time to mourn” Ecclesiastes 3:4. In fact, there will be many times in the years God gives us where our obedience to Him will require a willingness to mourn. At times we will need to go through this as a result of something that has happened in our own life and other times we will need to do this for a friend. But, without a doubt, it is crucial we accept this truth in Scripture. May we be wise women who know when it’s time to mourn and when it’s time to rejoice, and may we be ever mindful of the harm in confusing the two.

Posted by Erika

It is January, isn't it?

2011-01-18T08:53:00.000-08:00

Spring is coming, it really is. The picture on the right is a zucchini flower in my garden last spring. The garden plot is hardly recognizable now. There is only a few weeds, and lots of wet cold mud. Nancy Wilson had a great post over on Femina about beating the January doldrums. It got me to thinking...'oh ya, it is January, isn't it?' Even in sunny California, it has been pretty cold and pretty gray for some time now. The celebratory joy of the holidays is over, and now it is just cold. But spring is coming.

If you are in a season of life right now that feels cold, gray and bleak, if you are hurting, anxious, or mourning: spring is coming for you too. Romans 8:28 is God's glorious promise to all of us who are in Him of a coming spring. No matter what you are experiencing today, God is working for your good. Be encouraged today that He's not forgotten you, and not the slightest drop of suffering in your life is wasted suffering. Spring and new life, is coming.

I hope this excerpt from a prayer, written by a Puritan (we aren't sure which one), will be of encouragement to you. This is my little help to you in beating the January doldrums.

God The All

O God whose will conquers all,

There is no comfort in anything apart from enjoying thee

and being engaged in thy service

Thou art All in all,

and all enjoyments are to me

what thou makest them, and no more.

I am well pleased with thy will, whatever it is,

or should be in all respects,

And if though bidest me decide for myself in any affair,

I would choose to refer all to thee,

for thou art infinitely wise and cannot do amiss as I am in danger of doing.

I rejoice to think that all things are at thy disposal and it delights me to leave them there.

Then prayer turns wholly into praise, and all I can do is to adore and bless thee.

I know that thou art the author and finisher of faith,

that the whole work of redemption is thine alone,

that every good work or thought found in me

is the effect of thy power and grace,

that they sole motive in working in me to will and to do is for they good pleasure.

Posted by Kristen

Forget Not!

2011-01-17T20:22:00.000-08:00

Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalm 103:2-5

But sometimes we forget. I was reminded of this while exchanging a gift at the Galleria. Let me explain. I am a discount shopper. Places like TJ Maxx and Marshalls are where I can be found when a clothing item or an affordable gift must be purchased. On this occasion however, I was forced, totally against my will, to head directly to Nordstrom’s. Upon arriving I immediately noticed the cleanliness of the store. (Discount stores usually reflect more of a “hunt” or a “chase”….mismatched items strewn about, disgruntled employees and housewives searching for that great deal.) But not with this place. There was a strange sense of calm. Employees were happily doing their work and customers seemed at ease. The result was good…..very good.

As I approached the section carrying the item I needed, I didn’t see any employees to assist me. I thought, “I knew this place was too good to be true. Hmm, guess I’ll have to figure this out on my own…” No sooner had I finished my thought, when a lovely, young woman with beautiful red hair joyfully skipped over. She asked what size I needed. I barely opened my bag containing the item to be exchanged, and told her my desired size. Instantly, she knew what the item was without me even removing it from the bag. She then hopped over to the computer and quickly entered in some data. Looking up sympathetically but with such hope behind her eyes, she informed me they don’t currently have my size in stock but they will order it immediately. It will arrive at my home within a week she said. I stood there and said rather cynically, “You mean I don’t have to come back to the store to pick it up?” “Absolutely not, we’ll mail it to your house right away.” It appeared this young woman cared about a silly discount shopper like me getting the item I needed and getting it quickly…seemed a little too good to be true. Just as I was starting to believe all the hype I had heard about this place, that faithful friend Doubt came knocking, “Shipping charge. There’s gotta be a shipping charge.” “Oh,” said the red-haired girl, “and the service is free and if you need any alterations at all don’t hesitate to come in. We will tailor it to fit you free of charge.” What?! “So, let me get this straight”, I thought, “You are sympathetic over the horrible trouble befallen me in having to exchange a gift? You are happy to serve me and, you are taking care of every detail along the way to make sure I get what I need?” I looked around in a state of wonder, thinking, “Nordstrom’s – where have you been all my life?!”

To my shame, I often approach the Lord’s promises to me with the same hesitation I had with the red-haired girl. When I read passages like “Praise the Lord….who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s,” I think , “Really? You forgive all my sins? I don’t have to do anything to earn your love and compassion? You are going to satisfy me with good and give me sufficient strength along the way? Seems too good to be true,” and soon I’m entangled in the sin of unbelief.

My heart’s trajectory to doubt is the very reason I must never allow myself to forget. I must continually abide in Scripture (John 15:14), reminding myself of who Jesus is (Mark 8:29) and who I am in Him (1 Peter 2:9). I have to cry out for more faith (Hebrews 12:2), trusting in a good and kind Servant who loves to give it freely. Our God is infinitely more willing to serve (Matthew 20:28), infinitely more efficient, and compassionate (Psalm 103:13) than that lovely Nordstrom’s employee. How dare I tread in the spiritual “discount stores” of doubt when I have every spiritual blessing waiting for me in Jesus.

I won’t soon forget my Nordstrom’s experience. But, if you ever run into me at a discount store, oh please remind me….

Posted by Erika

When the going gets tough, the tough get...blowdrying?

2011-01-17T13:02:00.000-08:00

Alright, I learned something recently about blogging. Something I should have already known. A wise someone told me that if you don't blog often, your blog will die. Kind of like a flower, it needs to be watered. No water, no life. Based on that: my blog shriveled up and died a good six months ago. This little post is my attempt at life support. Our good friend, Rob, is working with me on a new blog site, but I have to prove to him that I am gonna make it worth his while.

So, for all three of you reading this, I have two things to say:

1) We (meaning I) would like to make this a little more interesting to read, so I've invited my very dear friend Erika to start blogging along with me. I expect you'll see her first post here later today.

2) I am gonna try every few days to post up something, even a little something, that will hopefully be encouraging, or funny. Well, let's be real, I can't promise it'll be either of those, but I sure will try.

So, for todays post (reference title & picture)....

I have a pet peeve. That's a half truth, I have a lot of pet peeves.

One thing that bothers me {intensely} is washing dishes with bare hands. In fact, I almost cannot do it. It seems awful and disgusting to me. Don't get me wrong, I wash dishes: mountains of them. Never bare handed. I ALWAYS have dish-gloves on hand. And on my hands.

Now to the next pet peeve: dish-gloves that have gotten wet inside. NASTY! I can't wear them and I usually throw them out, immediately! Today though, I have a mountain of dishes left over from some wedding baking. I went to put on my dish-gloves this morning to get down to the business of reclaiming my kitchen, only to discover.....soggy wet gloves! Ugh! I was not about to drag my little guys back to the store to get new ones, so, like any logical person...I blow-dried. The dishes had to get washed, so the gloves had to get blow-dried. This will seem like a stretch, but: so it is with the Christian life. There isn't time for whining, excuses, complaining or feeling sorry for yourself. There are very big things and great pain that we'll likely encounter. Things much bigger than wet dish-gloves.

(Feel free to mock me for my dish-glove issues at this point)

(When you're done, read on for something of more substance)

The great Puritan, William Gurnall said,

"Saints should consider the power of God as available for them. They should impress it upon their souls until all their doubts and fears are silenced...every believer may boldly say, 'God will help', not 'perhaps he will'. We may boldly assert it before men and devils because the Almighty said it."

Hebrews 6 tells us the Lord is our helper. 2 Timothy 2 tells us that we ought to be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus. So, whatever trouble the day may bring, lift up your eyes to where your help and salvation comes from. Press forward, ask the Lords help, be strengthened by his grace. Do what you know you ought to, thanking God for whatsoever He's brought into your path. He'll give you strength to obey Him, and joy in your duties.

Now, I've got a mountain of dishes to attend to.

Worshipping your own golden (or white or black or tan...) calf?

2010-08-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

Body image, ugh. Around the world people are starving to death, and here in America some are eating themselves to death. In Roseville we seem to be "beating the odds" as we just happen to be the thinnest city in America. Kudos to us. The thing with body image is that women in all walks of life and in any range of sizes and body types can be tempted to struggle with an obsession with body size and shape. Girls that are thin beyond thin are frustrated with a short torso. Girls with a long torso hate their too short legs. Girls with long legs can't find jeans to fit. Women who are by medical definitions "overweight" long for their thinner days, while women who are thin long to look more fit, and so on and so forth.

When I get asked a question about body image, I just can't talk about body image. I totally have nothing to say. I have to talk about worship. Body image is a worship issue, not a body issue. I get irritated when I see Christian books or articles designed to help women "feel good about themselves". Pithy sayings like "Love your body, God made it!" and things of the like are just setting women up to run the hamster wheel of self obsession.

In the old testament, Moses dealt with the people he was leading who had turned from worshipping the one true God to worshipping a golden calf that they constructed. Does that seem silly or what? A calf, come on...who does that? But, we are no different in 21st century America. If anything, we have devolved. We have all sorts of idols. Maybe it is not a calf, as in a baby cow, but it is a calf, as in our own leg...or maybe our stomach...or arms. When it comes to the issue of body image, whether we hate our body or love it, the god is self. And, if you haven't noticed...you make a really lame God. Jesus is a much better object of worship.

It is sad that often it is only when the climate of our country is calm and Christian persecution is held at bay, and our personal circumstances are relatively calm do we have time to give consideration to the minor details of our figure. I have girlfriends in the midst of bitter grief over great losses of close loved ones. I can guarantee they don't have the mental energy to freak out about what they ate today. I know others who are awaiting biopsy results... they are not concerned about the shape of their thighs. Things like calm and peace (that should be a blessing to us) can all too often only serve to allow us time for self reverence. More time to obsess over carbs or freak out over fat. While Christian sisters around the world may be fearing for their very lives or worried about their children starving to death, we are worried that there won't be anything we "are allowed" to eat at the dinner party on Saturday. That should be very troubling to us.

For all of us who struggle with worship issues, let me offer a scriptural meditation to help us renew our minds. I have been hooked on Colossians 3 this year, maybe you will be too.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is,seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

Colossians 3: 1-4

Husbandolatry

2010-06-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

As a wife, you know your worship has been misdirected when some version of the following situation occurs. Well -meaning husband walks in to the kitchen in the evening and says something fairly benign. Somehow, it wasn’t what you hoped he would say. You instantly feel really hurt, but react really angry, or ultra-Antarctic cold. You wanted him to compliment you, or hug you, or ask how your day was, or notice that the giganto pile of laundry had been completed (in between cooking a lovely dinner and a billion other tasks) . Well-meaning husband is then likely confused and decides to flee the scene rather than further offend you. Then you are further angered. He goes to work on the computer in the den. You wanted him to watch a movie with you, so you fume silently for the next few hours. You go to bed angry and barely sleep. You are extra grouchy the next morning. You’re coldness to him over breakfast makes Alaska seem like the tropics.

As a reaction to societies absolute disgust at any woman “serving” any man, many Christian wives rightly and dutifully devote themselves to service to their husbands. This is a good and beautiful thing. However, a husband is not an ultimate thing. A husband is a blessing, and a covering, and many other great things. He is a gift from God. But, he is not your God.

Early on in my marriage, we had more fights start over my being easily offended.

Proverbs 18:19-21 says, “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.”

Two words: Poor Erik.

Colossians 3:1-3 is beautiful, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” If we have our heart and our thoughts and our life absorbed in the glory of God, then we won’t be easily offended. A heart easily offended is a heart set on self and another, and not lost in the goodness of God. We’ve begun to have our hopes placed on our husband when we find ourselves unable to cope when he isn’t present. When we find that the slightest wrong look or word sends us reeling, Jesus has been kicked off the throne of our heart, and we’ve begun to look to a husband to be our everything. That ‘god’ will surely disappoint. And, when your husband is your ‘god’, and not Jesus, your marriage will be miserable and your poor husband will be too. He can’t live up to that. He can’t be Christ in your life.

Payton sang me this hymn today that he learned in school. This is what I want playing in the halls of my heart...

“Oh for a thousand tongues to sing my Great Redeemers praise. The glories of my God and King, the triumphs of His Grace. My gracious Master and my God assist me to proclaim to spread through all the earth abroad the honors of Thy Name. Jesus, my Savior that charms my fears and bids my sorrows cease. Tis music in the sinners ears, tis life and pow’r and peace…”

Strength Begets Strength

2010-06-09T15:50:00.000-07:00

"Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle." Psalm 24:8

My grandmother raised four boys. Her boys, among other things all grew up to have an exceptional work ethic. Growing up, I can't remember my dad complaining, even while enduring intense physical or emotional pain. I grew up and married a man who doesn't complain. I hope to raise boys who aren't complainers. It seems like we have an epidemic today of whiny, excuse making, lazy men (and all too often, a molly-coddling, pampering mother not far behind them). I pray that God makes my boys strong. I am sure my natural tendency is to spoil. I need God to keep me from that, because I want them to reflect the strength within the character of God. This morning I got a glimpse of some little man strength, and it was just delightful.

When I walk out onto my front porch to call my boys in for a meal, it usually goes something like this, "Payton, Brady, Jackson, time for lunch! Dino nuggets boys! Boys, answer mommy! Boys, can you hear me?! Aren't you hungry? Boys! Boys! Boooyyysss?!" They are usually so involved in one adventure or another that my voice just fades into the background.

This morning I walked out front where my three oldest boys were playing on the front lawn with one of their friends. When I stepped onto the front porch, they didn't turn or notice I was there, until I said the magic word. I asked, "Is there anyone out here with strong muscles?" All four instantly stopped their play, turned around and stared at me wide-eyed, hands raised in the air. (You can tell they have all only been out of school for a week by the hand-raising). I pointed to an awkwardly sized, heavy chair on our sidewalk and asked, "Well, do you think that any of you could carry that inside the house for me?" All four boys ran to the chair with military precision and unity. They began to figure out how to work together to get it inside. A moment later, it was at my desk and four little boys, quite pleased with themselves gave me their most manly, "You're welcome. Anytime." Then, they were promptly back outside to play.

I have noticed that boys from a very young age are at their best when heavy lifting is involved. A very helpful author once made the point that pampered boys are lazy boys who become lazy and useless men. One of the things we love about our boys' school is the rigorously academic and competitive environment. Win or lose, the pressure and responsibility is very good for them. Same way with sports. I am sad to hear that many leagues have gone the way of "There are no winners or losers, we don't keep score, we just play to have fun." UGH! Winning and losing is fun- and more than that it is good for the soul of a little boy.

So, back to strength: this mornings experience was a reminder to give my boys the heaviest age appropriate responsibility that they can bear. If it is within their capacity to bear the responsibility, it will help them to grow in strength and resilience, able to bear more and more as time goes on. With little boys, strength begets strength.

Keep shoveling, oxen are messy...

2010-02-23T21:42:00.000-08:00

"Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean,

but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox."
Proverbs 14:4

This proverb has become so precious to me, and not just because we bought a piece of rural property. I really didn't understand or feel the weight of this scripture until after I had children. I will speak plainly. Oxen produce a lot of mess, by way of excrement. On top of that, they are huge, stinky, and eat a lot. If you want your barn to be clean and tidy, you don't have an ox. However, in an agricultural society one needed oxen to pull the plow to till the fields, and also to help get those fields harvested. Caring for those oxen was a tremendous amount of work, but from that work came a fruitful abundance. Hours spent shoveling ox (ahem) mess out of a barn were fruitful hours. If you didn't have an ox, there wouldn't be any work or mess. But if you didn't have an ox, you also wouldn't have any crops, food, or a roof over your head.

To bring the oxen proverb to bear on twenty first century America, I have to talk about my life as a mother. Where to begin? To feed my kids healthy meals takes a lot of time and money- every day they seem to eat more and more! I have been changing diapers continually for seven and a half years (true story). Often, my house is very messy. Late most nights, my sink is still full of dishes, there are still loads of laundry to be folded, lunches to be made for the next day, muffins to be made for breakfast, a baby who needs to be bathed and fed, marker to scrub off of a wall, gum to cut out of the carpet and three bigger boys still waiting for bedtime hugs and one last back scratch. I don't have extra time to spend on hobbies or girl time. I am officially three years behind scrapbooking. (I think that means I should quit :) We don't have room in our budget to go on big vacations and there are a lot of home improvements that may not happen for a long, long time.

My manger is messy. And I am so, so blessed. I am shoveling excrement out of my barn as hard and fast as I can and can barely keep up! I once had a friend tell me that she envied her affluent friends' home, because it was big, beautiful, and always spotless. There was never a toy in sight, even though she had children. That is not something to be envied, that is a tragedy! Where were those children all day? Where were their story books? Toy baskets? Remnants of playdough? Gold fish crumbs? Our children should be as welcome in our homes as the most honored guest. Our children are gifts from God, created in His image. I love cleanliness and organization, and I try my best to keep a neat and tidy home. But, there has to be higher goals in my life than my home being merely clean and organized. In this season, my greater goal is raising my four little children to love Jesus. In a home where there is a child or children, there will be lots of sanctified messes. Laundry left for later for the sake of reading Bible stories to a three year old is a sanctified mess. A sink full of dishes after baking cookies for an after school snack is a sanctified mess. A high chair smeared with carrots and a floor covered with pieces of a babies lunch is a blessed thing. It is a sign of fruitfulness and the Lords blessing.

I am sad that I used to lament a messy house or a lack of time for leisurely endeavors. My manger is messy, I am blessed, and by God's grace I will have a lot of years of shoveling ahead of me.

(Picture at right: a sleeping ox)

A Joyful Loss!

2010-02-16T09:25:00.000-08:00

So, I am a little competitive, and I only like to play games that I win. I will compete with anyone, over almost anything. I am even happy to compete with myself. Last weekend, I decided to rototill my garden, and while my sweet husband asked (probably 15 times) if I wanted him to take over and finish the job, I just couldn't stop until my little 600 sq foot plot had been tilled under, by me. I am not sure that need to compete is healthy, but that is not the subject of this post. I needed to post this morning because a monumental thing happened in my life. I had my first joyful loss. A dreamy 3 foot tall blue eyed fellow schooled me at "Memory Match", 18-7. I knew the whole time that I was losing. I even allowed my cards to be within his view so that he could have a bit of an advantage. And the weird thing is, I couldn't be happier.

The Kindness of God: Rosey Cheeks, Ma-Ma-Ma, & a Trifle

2010-02-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

"But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds"

Psalm 73:28

We are in the midst of a season where as a family, we are seeing pain and heartache all around us. Many in our church are suffering tremendously. Many days, we find ourselves asking the Lord for his swift return. From Haiti, to childhood cancer, to Christians struggling with suicide, we have come upon a painfully fresh awareness of the extent of human suffering. In the midst of all of this, I was reminded this week of the nearness and kindness of the Lord. My rosy cheeked, blue eyed, pudgy blonde little angel spent an entire day babbling, "ma-ma-ma-ma" to me. The next day, I was blessed with ample time and supplies to make a raspberry orange trifle. (I am convinced that there is not a happier dessert.) The Lord is sovereign over every last detail of our lives, so if I experience the indescribable preciousness of my baby saying "ma-ma", and taste of fresh raspberries with orange creme and pound cake, then it is because He absolutely meant it to be so. My trifle and my son, were reminders that the Lord is near, and amazingly kind. Having a fresh reminder of the character of my Lord, I was blessed and encouraged to press on in prayer for the hurting all around me, that they too would know afresh the nearness of God, and make him their refuge. If he would grant to me, (though I am not in a season of suffering at the present moment) such undeserved kindnesses, how much more would He be willing to grant comfort and kindness to the broken hearted.

The Grace to Hold It

2010-02-02T15:11:00.000-08:00

I never answer my cell phone. And on the rare occasion that I do I have to laugh at the sarcastic response from the well-intended person on the other end of the phone. ”Wow, you actally answered your phone for once!” or, “ I must be special, you picked up!” better yet, “ I can’t believe I am talking to a live person!, I was ready to leave you a message!”…. They are all right, I almost never answer it. And I can’t help but think, if they lived in my home, drove in my car, and cared for my kiddos, they may know why.

Nancy Wilson in her blog, “Femina” encourages mothers of young children to ask for grace as often as their newborn cries for milk or their toddler asks for a drink or snack. This is very good advice, indeed. It occurred to me today that it is interesting the kinds of graces that mothers of young ones ask for.

When I was single I prayed for big things. That I would be able to graduate college with honors, that I would someday marry, that God would use me in some good way for His glory during my life, etc… Not that one is better than the other, but now, when I am asking God for help it looks very different. I have on multiple occasions of late asked God to help me hold it. Yes, as in “hold it”. Things I used to take for granted, like using the restroom in private, I now see in a very different light. Being a mom of four children under six brings with it tremendous joy and blessing. But, because as 1 Tim 2:15 says, I am “being saved through childbearing”, it also brings with it a unique set of challenges. Leaving the 4 children unsupervised even for the 120 seconds it takes to visit the restroom is sometimes an unwise move. 2 minutes is just enough time for one of the children to climb onto the counter to reach a knife in a cupboard, so that they can more accurately reinact a scene from “Man vs. Wild”. It is just enough time for one child to lock another one outside, and for the child outside to grab a bat and proceed to beat the window in an attempt to create for himself another way into the house. It is enough time for one child to run out the front door, take his toddler friend with him, leave him in the neighbors driveway, and return, looking innocent. Hence the need to pray for the grace to “hold it’ for up to 12 hours if necessary, until my husband comes home, or friend stops by and there is adequate adult presence to provide the necessary crisis intervention, if necessary, while mom uses the restroom. Alone.

On a more serious note, mothers of young children need to “hold it” in other ways. I often need to hold back my desire to do compulsively complete “tasks” or clean or answer emails. There are times where at the moment, the most important thing I need to be doing is listening to one of my precious boys as he looks at me with his big blue eyes, explaining in great length and thorough detail why he believes that the Incredible Hulk could indeed be a Christian. Even though I desperately want to go and do more laundry, what is more important is learning about what is going on in my 6 year olds heart. Listening to that same child talk about why he thinks they use the word “Jesus” so often in Transformers is usually a lot more important than all my beckoning “to do’s”. To be sure my boys, and not their grass stained jeans, are the focus of my attention, takes the mercy and grace of God. It is another occasion to ask for the grace to “hold it!”

Often times I need to “hold it” Psalm 4:4 style. I am a little bit of a perfectionist. I like things to be neat, orderly, tidy and quiet. I have four boys ages 6, 5, 2.5, and 8 weeks. There is very little neat, tidy, quietness to be found in my life. Because having “a place for everything and everything in its place” quickly becomes an idol for me, my temper can start to flare when kid chaos of one kind or another ensues. Then it is time, to apply the psalmists wisdom of going to my bed, meditating and being silent. Those are the times I need God’s grace to hold back my tongue, tone and countenance and get my heart right and perspective corrected.

Being in the phase of newborn care, I am a little bit short on sleep. I find that being short on sleep also adds to my temptation to be short on patience. I had a well meaning woman recently say, “Wow you have your hands full. Well, at least you are home all day so that you can sit down and rest or take a nap whenever you need to.” I fumed silently about the naivete of her comment for a good while. I was very tempted to pull out my palm, show her my ‘to do’ list, which spans multiple screens, and snap back a sarcastic remark at her. By God’s grace, we were interrupted.   Certainly, if there are rarely 2 minutes available in my day to use the restroom, there are not 20 minutes to nap… I could go on for pages about what my little ones would do with 20 unsupervised minutes…

Women & Discontentment

2010-02-02T15:09:00.000-08:00

Discontentment in one way or another seems to be a common struggle among women. Single women are discontent with singleness, married women are discontent with their spouses, women with children are discontent with their childrens behavior, and so on and so forth.

In the case, I am writing specifically to the situation of a Christian wife with a respectable Christian husband. If it is the case that a wife is having trouble respecting her husband, and there is not habitual, unrepentant sin on his part, then I would propose that the root sin issue is a discontented heart. A heart that is discontented is insatiable. If you are frustrated with your husband for (pick any generic example)- and he starts doing whatever it is differently, then your heart will soon enough find something else in him to be discontented with. And, all too often, it is not sin that we are discontented with ( it is ok to be discontent with sin in our spouses, to lovingly confront it, etc…) Instead, the things we are discontented with are either matters of immaturity (which require patience and prayer), or opinion and preference, which usually means we should drop it (before a quarrel breaks out Proverbs 17:14), all the while praying for more thankfulness and less critical-ness. We also ought to pray, as 1 Peter 4:8 teaches us, that love for our spouse would cover over a multitude of sins.

To further exacerbate the problem of sinful discontenetment, most of the time, out of our discontentment comes disrespect. Esphesians 5 tells women to “see to it” that they respect their husbands… one way to be sure you are “seeing to it” is to guard your heart against, and quickly repent of discontentment.

In the midst of this struggle against sinful discontentment in marriage, there are a number of things that are helpful to remember:

- See your self in light of the gospel: We are all deserving of hell, now. A husband that loves you, and is also a beleiver, is a rich grace from God.  - See your spouse in light of the gospel: Jesus has already died to pay the penalty for all of his sin, you needn’t punish him for it in your marriage- that is double jeopardy!

- Respect for your husband is about showing honor to Jesus by obeying his directive to respect him (it has a lot to do with God and little to do with your spouse).

- You have to be careful to view your own spouse as your “head” and not let other “heads” creep in. ( Ephesians 5:23) You will know that this is becoming a problem if you find yourself mentally comparing your husband to other men Sometimes it is easy to become discontent if you have a perfect, ideal, totally sanctified image of what you think your husband should be in your head. If you find yourself wishing he was more like this person or that pastor on the podcast, then it is important to take a hiatus from listening to/ reading them.  It is different, however for the wife and the husband to together to sit under the teaching of a pastor (because presumably he has helped to select the particular church you are in)- but when it comes to listening to other teachers- even if they are excellent, biblical teachers, sometimes you have to be careful because our hearts can deceive us. We can easily begin to covet someone elses spouse!

-I also give counsel to women, if they are struggling to respect their husbands, not to listen to sermons that are specifically aimed at the husband, or to read chapters in books that are specifcally written to husbands…sometimes those can become just a laundry list of things that the wife can then be frustrated with her husband for not doing, or not doing in the way she thinks they should be done…

-Remember, God is going to lead you, cover you and protect you, and if you are married, his chosen means will often be through your husband- so graciously giving him headship in your life is you allowing Christ to lead you and love you.

In closing, I want to mention that Nancy Wilson counsels women to cultivate a high view of their husbands, and I would agree…but I do not think the way to go about it is to focus on all of your mates excellent qualities. Rather, I would work to focus your heart on Jesus, and as you become increasingly enraptured with His perfection and goodness, then the kind providences that He grants to you will also become more beautiful. You will begin to see them more and more as gifts from His hand.

May we all allow God to sanctify us through our marriages, whether in a season of joy or struggle- peace or adversity.

Gentle, Quiet, What?

2010-02-02T15:06:00.000-08:00

“Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.” 1 Peter 3:4

In 1 Peter 3:4 we are given a biblical definition of beauty, to have a “gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight”. On this topic there is so much that could be said. This was a convicting topic for me to write on, so know if you are brought to grieve a little over the state of your own spirit, I am there as well. I would like to start with quote from a book by Puritans, Watson and Burroughs. The Puritans certainly had a way with words,

“Some people are so weak that they cannot restrain the unrest of their spirits, but in words and behavior they reveal what woeful disturbances there are within. Their spirits are like the raging sea, casting forth nothing but mire and dirt, and are troublesome not only to themselves but also to all with whom they live.”

Ouuuuuuch. It caused me to reflect upon the many “woeful disturbances” that I have within. Having a spirit that is woefully disturbed has got to be just about the exact opposite of having a gentle and quiet spirit. Surely when there are “woeful disturbances within”, they will inevitably spill out. There is much to say on this topic but for the purpose of brevity, I will address 2 common questions or arguments that seem to surface with this scripture. In closing, I will attempt to some of the heart matters which relate to the state of our “spirit”.

2 common sinful attitudes that Impede the pursuit of biblical beauty:

-“That just isn’t my personality.” Here in the land of the free, we are obsessively fixated upon our self, our personality, our individuality, and our opinions. We take personality tests to better understand ourselves and walk around saying things like, “I am a lion”, “I am an otter”, “I am an INTJ”. Thinking about ourselves has become a national past time. However, it ought not be a Christian’s pastime. This thinking is counter Christ, counter gospel. John 3:30 wisdom would say that Christ must become greater and we must become less. The bible gives us a great deal of commands that are counter our “personality”, and we are not excused from obeying those commands, just because they are counter our natural inclination. Certainly, if our personality is sinful, then we ought to repent of our personality! I am easily angered, loud, opinionated, controlling, impatient and bossy. However, my duty is to repent, and ask God to cultivate in me what He finds beautiful. It is foolish to cling to our sin nature because we want to be “real” or “true to ourself”. Rather, we ought to seek to leave our old nature behind and strive for authenticity to our new self, which is being “renewed day by day” (2 Cor. 4:16)

-“Quiet…so, does that mean I can never say anything?” No, but if you are anything like me, you ought to say approximately 90% less than you currently do. If you examine the counsel of scripture in regards to our mouth, we see that our words ought to be quite selective (Prov. 10:19), gracious (Eccl. 10:12), helpful (Prov. 25:11), pleasant (Prov 16:24), wise and faithful (Prov 31:26) ,and never complaining (Phil 2:14). I will make a special note on complaining, as I believe this is one of those sins that we as women are particularly prone to in all stages of life. As young women, we moan, “Where are all the good men?”, then a few years later we may be tempted complain about having to pick up after a husband, and after that the difficulty of parenting and potty training rebellious toddlers, a few years later we’ll be tempted to gripe our way through our children’s adolescence, and then in our later years- my observation has been that women are tempted to speak endlessly of their various medical problems and conditions, as if it were the whole of their life and identity. All of these gripes and complaints surely will make us “troublesome” for those with whom we live. A grumbling mouth reflects a discontented, and troubled spirit within.

The real issue when it comes to obeying this scripture, or any for that matter, is the heart. The heart is the wellspring of our life (Proverbs 4:23). We will only be white washed tombs (Matthew 23:27) if we do the outward “work” of being a biblically beautiful woman, but fail to have God cultivate in us a well spring from which a gentle and quiet spirit flows. The essential matter in regards to our spirit being both gentle and quiet is a heart where Christ is ruling and reigning. Where Christ is on the throne, worries (which would later spew out of our mouths as either complaining or nagging), are not allowed to fester. Angry thoughts are repented of quickly; self-pity is put to death. Idolatry of the self (which may look like the person who loves the constant sound of their own words) is quickly recognized as sin and brought to Christ. When repentance of these sins is an ongoing process of our heart, then our heart will be at peace and rest in Christ. And only then, will we be able to display beauty that is unfading coming from the gentle and quiet spirit within.

Redeemed LiViNG

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